[It's a bit before she replies, half wanting to draw it out, but it's late and she's tired and when she's nervous she tends to ramble.]
i just turned 16. I was 13 when i left home. now i'm 7 years older than my sister and 5 years older than my brother.
they already found it hard to relate to me in some ways but for the most part we always understood each other and i've spent almost 3 years wishing they'd show up so we could go back to that
but we've been apart for so long and that gap is getting bigger and bigger I'm starting to think maybe it wouldn't be a great thing if they came here now
and that makes me feel like the worst sister in the world
that's not a bad thing it means you're starting to realise that it's a good thing they're not here i know that's hard to swallow, but here isn't safe you've survived yourself, but you wouldn't want them to experience the stuff that goes on here, would you?
you're protecting them, in a way even if it's just in your own mind
you're right, it's definitely not safe here. and now that you mention it- the world almost ending, all these weird things that have been going on lately. it was hard enough for me to deal with
but a 9 year old and an 11 year old? it'd break them. It almost broke me. i mean I joined a gang to try and cope with it for crying out loud. It's the last thing i'd want for them. there's no real way we could go back to the way things are at home.
that's a good way to look at it. As a big sister i have to look out for them. and if that means realizing they're better off where they are
i'm sorry, t i know it hurts i want the people i love here for support, too, but i know it would mean hurting them in the process they'll always be there for you and your parents you don't have to accept this right away
not as in telling him i'm out, but i've kinda stopped coming around so he's probably guessed. I think he's always known my heart wasn't 100% in it and he didn't want to pressure me. I feel like i should say something, though, strangely???? but i don't know how
it sucks. i keep thinking of things I want to show them. like my horse. i own a horse!! and i want them to meet all the awesome people I know!! but there they are, back home, and once I go home it'll be like none of this ever happened anyway
not like anyone would believe me even if i did remember it so even that much is for the best
but gosh, i wish i could just take the best parts of being here and throw out the rest
you know you could probably stay in skull i don't think guzma would force you to be a little hellion a lot of the kids there probably know what it's like to be without their family
thank you :) i can't show that through text but that does mean a lot. and i try to keep behaving in a way that would make my family proud even if they don't ever show up again.
See, that's one of the reasons i hung around them. i never 100% got over mom leaving, more and more of my close friends left, and I was so angry and they understood how that felt and just let me be angry
and being a hooligan felt good sometimes, even if my conscience always gets me in the end
you can be with them in your own tina way you don't need to do anything bad just be around people who have the same hurt it helps they might get it better than anyone else
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i just turned 16. I was 13 when i left home. now i'm 7 years older than my sister and 5 years older than my brother.
they already found it hard to relate to me in some ways but for the most part we always understood each other and i've spent almost 3 years wishing they'd show up so we could go back to that
but we've been apart for so long and that gap is getting bigger and bigger I'm starting to think maybe it wouldn't be a great thing if they came here now
and that makes me feel like the worst sister in the world
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it means you're starting to realise that it's a good thing they're not here
i know that's hard to swallow, but here isn't safe
you've survived yourself, but you wouldn't want them to experience the stuff that goes on here, would you?
you're protecting them, in a way
even if it's just in your own mind
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but a 9 year old and an 11 year old? it'd break them. It almost broke me. i mean I joined a gang to try and cope with it for crying out loud. It's the last thing i'd want for them. there's no real way we could go back to the way things are at home.
that's a good way to look at it. As a big sister i have to look out for them. and if that means realizing they're better off where they are
as much as it hurts
i have to accept that
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i'm sorry, t
i know it hurts
i want the people i love here for support, too, but i know it would mean hurting them in the process
they'll always be there for you
and your parents
you don't have to accept this right away
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it sucks. i keep thinking of things I want to show them. like my horse. i own a horse!! and i want them to meet all the awesome people I know!! but there they are, back home, and once I go home it'll be like none of this ever happened anyway
not like anyone would believe me even if i did remember it so even that much is for the best
but gosh, i wish i could just take the best parts of being here and throw out the rest
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they'd be proud of you tina
i know i am
you know
you could probably stay in skull
i don't think guzma would force you to be a little hellion
a lot of the kids there probably know what it's like to be without their family
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See, that's one of the reasons i hung around them. i never 100% got over mom leaving, more and more of my close friends left, and I was so angry and they understood how that felt and just let me be angry
and being a hooligan felt good sometimes, even if my conscience always gets me in the end
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you don't need to do anything bad
just be around people who have the same hurt
it helps
they might get it better than anyone else
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that means i'd have to be ok with knowing what they get up to and looking the other way, but I guess i did plenty of that as a member
i did that pretty often for my siblings too come to think of it
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see what he means when he calls skull a family?
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i still need to think more about this and concluding that i'd rather my family not come here
but I feel more clearheaded at least, so thanks for the perspective, it did really help