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IT TAKES ME A COUPLE OF MINUTES 'CAUSE I HAVE TO GOOGLE SOME OF THE WORDS BUT I GET IT. AWW, ODIN, I LIKE YOU TOO. I CAN ASK RED. HE'S GOOD WITH ANIMALS. HE WILL PROBABLY TELL EVERYONE THE SAME THING.

Awesome! I could offer to tone it down a bit, but I'M JUST GONNA EXPAND YOUR VOCABULARY INSTEAD. Amphisbaena! Umbriferous! TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA.

Oh, I love Red. He's great. That sounds like a good plan.
Having my own dog will maybe curb the instincts I have to take Pikachu and run away with him forever every time we meet, too, so that's a plus.

DRAGON, SHADE AND FEAR OF NUMBER 13 I GET IT NOW!!!!!!!!! IF MAXIE EVER SHOWS UP WE NEED TO TALK BIG WORDS AT EACH OTHER BECAUSE HE THINKS I'M DUMB AND DUMB PEOPLE DON'T NOT KNOW BIG WORDS. I THINK RED WILL APPRECIATE IT TOO.

Okay! Do I know about Maxie? Do we like him? I'll teach you some cool things to say to impress him so hard his stupid pants die.
You can invite him over for tea and just drop a sick line on him like, "Mmmhaaaaxxxxie. The essence of nature - nature forthwith defined not only as an all-encompassing construct that represents the pure organity of all things, but, indeed, as an individual reflection of a person's "spirit" or "soul" - is truly transient by definition of itself". I think that means that nature is nature because shit changes a lot or whatever. I dunno! I dunno what forthwith means, either. Or if organity is a word. But. I told my brain to say some things and that's what happened.

Also, you can't tell, because I was typing, but you had an Earth British Accent in that, as I am to understand those are considered fancy and enlightened.

NO, I LED TEAM AQUA AND HE LED TEAM MAGMA. IT WAS AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS. OKAY REAL TALK? HE'S A STRINGY LITTLE NERD BUT I FEEL LIKE IF I SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HIM HE MIGHT ACTUALLY PUNCH ME. OR USE HIS CAMERUPT TO SET ME ON FIRE. AGAIN.

Haha, Aqua versus Magma? Wow, just kiss already.

SORRY. I KNOW THAT TEAM STUFF IS SERIOUS AND STUFF. SORRY. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Um.
Anyway,
I feel like I'm a hotty beefster like you, but I'm definitely a nerd like him, so if he ever shows up, I'll definitely be the Translating Bridge of Friendship between the two of you. It sounds like fun. I'll help you say big words to him and I'll help him, I don't know, lift a weight or something.
I've been on fire before, too. Quite a few times, in fact. And I've been shocked, and I've been frozen...
Did you know I have a spell called Disrobing Gale? I can conjure a blast of wind to remove a person's clothes.
Magic is wild.

Edited 2017-09-28 13:37 (UTC)

CUTE, BUT WE'RE NOT ESTRANGED SOULMATES OR ANYTHING. THE CLOSEST WE ARE TO THAT IS REALLY AWKWARD FRIENDS. WE USED TO BE ON THE SAME TEAM BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND WE SPENT A WHILE TRYING TO RUIN EACH OTHER'S LIVES. IT'S KIND OF COMPLEX AND A MESS. THOUGH I GUESS IN A WAY HE DID HELP ME FIND THE GUY I AM ACTUALLY APPARENTLY IN LOVE WITH SO IT'S A WIN/WIN. WHY WERE YOU ON FIRE? WH OKAY, NO. DON'T TELL ME. JUST. PLEASE DON'T GET SET ON FIRE AGAIN? THAT'S KIND OF HORRIFIC. FINALLY: USE THAT WHEN YOU BONE DOWN. PLEASE TELL ME YOU USE IT WHEN YOU BONE DOWN. THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS. LIKE THAT BRUCE ALMIGHTY THING WHEN HE RIPS HIS OWN CLOTHES OFF.

Okay... well, that's good to hear... I guess. Sorry anyway.
And! Don't worry about it. People get set on fire all the time back home.
I would literally set myself on fire for you right now if I wasn't about 65% sure that human biology isn't supposed to withstand things like that and that maybe my cool elemental magic resistance powers got left behind when I was ported here.
But... then again...
I guess I wouldn't know if I could successfully enliven my mortal coil through setting myself ablaze to the admiration of the masses unless I tried it out. D'you wanna test that out after the dog thing?

And. I mean.
That does sound fun, if it wasn't literally impossible because nobody would ever want to bone down on a dude like me. Good plan, though. I'll keep it in mind in case, like, the miracle stars align and someone, somehow, gets a crush on me or feels even the tiniest shred of physical attraction towards me literally ever. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb dumb dWAIT

WAIT WAIWAIWIATAIWREATWIATAWITAWITWAITWAITAITWATIWATAWITWA.TA. TWAIT. WTAWI WATIWATATI.
WAIT!!!!!!!! RGHH!!! THESE USELESS EXTENSIONS OF BONE AND CARTILAGE THAT DARE TO CALL THEMSELVES FINGERS ARE OF NO USE TO ME, GIVEN HOW THEY ARE UNABLE TO COHERENTLY OPERATE AT THE SPEED OF WHICH MY EXCITEMENT WANTS THEM TO OPERATE THESE KEYS WITH FORTHWITH AND INDEED THOU'ST ALMIGHTY PERCHANCE.
Uh, I lost it. Something. Grammar. I'm excited, there's no time for that!
You're in love! You're in love. You're in love!! Tell me literally everything.

ODIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU SET YOURSELF ON FIRE ON PURPOSE I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF OUT OF SPITE. OKAY TWO THINGS: ODIN YOU ARE VERY ATTRACTIVE AND SWEET, IF ANYTHING YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR MOST PEOPLE. SECONDLY: HE'S HUGE AND HAS MORE MUSCLES THAN BONES HIS NAME IS MATT AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I LOVE MIGHTYENA. IT'S THAT REAL.

Pfft. Whatever, square. I never listen to what anyone says. Half the time I don't even know the other person is talking. You won't be jumping off a cliff when you're on your hands and knees bawling and screaming my name and weeping at the sight of my majesty, as I stand before you, a living phoenix.

And I'm ignoring your garbage lies to talk more about Matt! I love him too. I love muscles so much. I wish I could turn my bones into muscles. That sounds like a really useful power.
How many kids do you guys have? I bet a lot. Like ninety.

I WILL PROBABLY BE HAVING SHARPEDO USE HYDRO PUMP ON YOU SO YOUR DAMN IDIOT SKIN DOESN'T MELT OFF. IF YOU CALL ME A LIAR AGAIN I'LL TAKE AWAY MIGHTYENA WALKING PRIVILEGES YOU ASSHOLE. YOU ARE CUTE AS SHIT AND ANYONE WOULD BE LUCKY TO BE WITH YOU. WE DON'T HAVE ANY. UNLESS YOU COUNT THE TEAM MEMBERS HE HELPED TRAIN AND STUFF. THEN WE HAVE LIKE... ABOUT NINETY, ACTUALLY, YEAH.

That sounds really fun though!! You're just making me want to do it. I'm doing it. Get ready.

I don't want to be cute! I want to be hot. I wanna be a super-ripped mega stud ultra-stallion. I want guys named Chad and Chaz and Troy to see me flexing my biceps in the gym and just get the saddest, most jealous boners. God. You wouldn't understand. But THANK YOU. I GUESS. FOR BEING WRONG, BUT ALSO VERY SWEET, AND LITERALLY GIVING ME THE KIND OF PEP TALK I USUALLY HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF WHEN WRITING ABOUT MY SAD LONELY FEELINGS IN MY DIARY. I GUESS!!!!!!

I totally count them. Man, I'm so jealous. I wanna be in love and have ninety adopted team-kids...
But that means he was like, way up there, right? In your Aqua team? That's cool. I'm glad you had someone like that by your side. No wonder you fell in love.
Are you, like. Dating? Married? Does he know? Are you happy? Does he treat you okay? 'Cause I get that you love him but if he isn't good enough for you I'm gonna be mad.

OKAY THEN I'M GOING TO THE CLOSEST CLIFF I KNOW. HOT, CUTE, ATTRACTIVE WHATEVER YOU'RE ALL OF THEM. YOU HAVE A CHARM ABOUT YOU. I THINK YOU'LL BE REALLY POPULAR WITH THE IMPORT FANS. LIKE SWARMED WITH WOMEN AND MEN AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN. HE'S GREAT. ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. BUT FOR UNRELATED REASONS I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

D-Don't! Don't. I was only kidding. I'm sorry.
I'm not going to light myself on fire until I can find a fire-resistant bodysuit and you're not going to jump from a cliff, you're going to watch from a safe respectable distance and be entertained.
Is that, like. That's agreeable, right? Haha, I don't even need to ask. Of course it is.

UUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME AND I WANNA RIP YOUR FACE OFF. You've gotta stop!!! I can't handle it anymore. I try to act really cool by talking about boners and stuff but it's really hard and I'm shy. So enough of that! You're wrong but it's nice and thank you. The end!

But.
Okay. Sorry. I'm glad to hear it.
Um, the weather's nice.
I still want a dog.
I learned about something called the Ars Goetia which has 72 different types of Demons in it and I'd like to try summoning some, if you want to help me draw some spell circles in blood or whatever it is those conjurations might need.

ONLY IF YOU LET ME HAVE SHARPEDO OUT TO USE HYDRO PUMP IF IT GOES WRONG. WELL TOUGH TITTIES!! I ONLY SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!!!!! IS THAT CODE FOR HOW WE'RE GONNA GET THE DOG?

You could literally do that to me right now and I'd be overwhelmed with joy.
You're basically asking me if I wanna get shot by a shark.
Of course I do.
Come on.
I'm gonna make it go wrong on purpose just for the opportunity.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I wish I wore shirts so I could rip one off and throw it in your face. I'm gonna start looking into shirts 'cause dozens of times a day I wanna rip one dramatically from my body in a rage and I never can.
Ugh.
See? What was that. That was a stupid thing to say.
I'm gonna date a parrot or something and train it to say it loves me.

OH SHIT. YES? HOLY SHIT.
Get me a dagger.

SHARPEDO WOULD NOT DO IT UNLESS YOU WERE ON FIRE. AND I DON'T MEAN THAT AS ENCOURAGEMENT TO SET YOURSELF ON FIRE BECAUSE THEN WE'RE BACK TO ME JUMPING OFF A CLIFF THEN WE BOTH DIE AND IT'S MISERABLE. START WEARING THEM? THOUGH PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. ALSO DON'T DATE A PARROT THAT'S BEASTIALITY JUST FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. HAVE YOU MET MAGNUS? THE TALL ONE. I BET YOU TWO WOULD BE GOOD TOGETHER. NO. NO!!!! HOLY FUCK NO I'M NOT NO ODIN DO NOT DO WHATEVER YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO STOP NO

The wrestler? The really cool wrestler with the wrestling team?
Oh man.
Oh man oh man oh man oh man you can'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT THAT'S INSANE DON'T SAY THAT KIND OF THING TO ME ARCHIE THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SOMETHING I'M WILLING TO ACCEPT YOU SAYING TO ME THAT'S CROSSING A LINE THAT'S CROSSING SO MANY LINES HOLY SHIT LIKE FIFTY LINES HAVE JUST BEEN CROSSED AND I'M JUST SITTING HERE BEHIND THE LINES LIKE WOW LOOK AT ARCHIE GO JUST DANCING ALL OVER THESE LINES DOING BACKFLIPS AND FRONTFLIPS AND CARTWHEELING THROUGH THE LINES LIKE THEY AREN'T ANYONE'S BUSINESS BUT HIS OWN.
He's way out of my league. He's so cool and I'm not. Ugh.
I really like him. Oh man. I'm imagining dating him. Ahh. Ahh!! But no. No.
Jeez.
Ugh.
So embarrassing.
Ugh ugh gughg ughugughg.
I'm gonna kill you for real. It's not a game anymore! I'm gonna shove you off that cliff so hard.

I cannot believe how much you're oppressing me right now.
"No daggers!" "No catching yourself on fire!" "No getting shot by a shark (even though he'd shoot you if you were on fire, which is absolutely encouragement and absolutely a mixed signal)"
WHY DON'T I JUST HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I SUFFOCATE SEEING AS THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT ME.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ODIN. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM??????????????

I LIKE DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE ONE CONVERSATION UHGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD JEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
He's just really cool and super out of my league.
And I have a crush on everyone who is really cool and super out of my league. I probably had a crush on you at some point, too, before I realized you weren't actually very cool.
I'm basically like a baby duckling that imprints on its parent, but my parent is everyone I meet, and I imprint on them in like a sexy way.

FUCK YOU I'M COOL!!! I KNOW HIM FAIRLY WELL. I THINK YOU TWO WOULD WORK WELL TOGETHER I'M JUST SAYING

Really? I don't know. Really? Jeez. I don't know. He's so cool. I'm not cool. I pretend to be cool and make up all this cool stuff but he seems actually legit 100% cool. That's everyone, though. Everyone's so cool. Then there's me. Uncool Odin, they used to call me. Well, Uncool Owain. That's my name. Did I tell you my real name yet? I guess this is a weird way to drop it. There it is. Uncool Owain, they used to call me. Not really, though, because nobody ever called me that, but. They may as well have.

Don't tell him anything about this conversation or whatever but you can call me cool and lie a lot about me to make him make me his friend if you want I guess.
You can do that with everyone you think I would be good with, because I'm super duper lonely, dude. Just super dupes lonely supreme.

YOU ARE COOL YOU CAN DO MAGIC AND SHIT!!! AND YOU HELPED SAVE THE WORLD, THAT IS LITERALLY THE COOLEST THING YOU CAN DO. WOULD YOU RATHER BE CALLED OWAIN OR ODIN?? ALSO I WON'T BUT I'M JUST SAYIN I THINK YOU TWO WOULD BE AWESOME TOGETHER.

Archie!! Colon open parentheses
I really appreciate everything you're saying, but there's no way I can agree with any of it. I'm too entrenched in years of self-doubt and cool, heroic hate towards the garbage human person I see myself as. You gotta stop, bro!! I'M EQUAL PARTS HAPPY TO KNOW YOU, EMBARRASSED AND HEARTWARMED, AND FULL OF AN ACHING DESPAIR THAT ECHOES DEEP WITHIN MY SHITTY DUMB CHEST.
But thank you. Seriously. Nobody says nice stuff like that about me. Semi colon underscore semi colon

That's kind of a big question. Can I have some time to think about it?
Wait, wait. I've decided.
Owain in private and Odin in public? I don't want anyone to know my real name if I can avoid it, but, like. You're you.

PS:
PFFFHSFHSFHSHSHFFSSFHFHSSF MAYBE YOU AND MAGNUS SHOULD GET MARRIED IT SOUNDS LIKE MAGNUS IS THE BOY YOU LOVE ACTUALLY YOU LOVE HIM SOOOOOOO MUCH MY NAME IS ARCHIE AND I WANNA KISS KISS KISS MAGNUS EVERY WHICH WAY ALL THE TIME ON ALL DAYS EVERY DAY MONDAY AND TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY AND THE REST JUST KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS

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