h2no | IC contact

god isn't real back in my world

but if he was i wouldn't piss him off

WHY did you piss off god, archie?

[What the actual fuck.]

KYOGRE IS ONE OF MANY GOD LIKE BEINGS IN MY WORLD. I DID SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING STUPID. I THOUGHT I COULD CONTROL IT, BUT IT WAS TOO MUCH. I COULDN'T STOP IT FROM BECOMING ENRAGED AND ACHIEVING PRIMAL REVERSION.

you were going to hijack god to do WHAT, exactly?

i don't know wtf that is but i'd be pissed at you too, man

TO USE ITS POWER TO RESET THE PLANET. I'D CONVINCED MYSELF THAT HUMANITY WAS CAUSING UNECCESARY SUFFERING TO NATURE AND WANTED TO REVERSE IT. I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HUMAN CASUALTIES BECAUSE I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN I GOT CONTROL OF KYOGRE.

[at least he has a fun story to distract brendan!]

BUT WHEN IT STARTED TO CREATE ANOTHER OCEAN, ALL IT DID WAS HARM PEOPLE AND NATURE. I DIDN'T WANT THAT. EVEN IF I THOUGHT I DIDN'T CARE, I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL ANYONE. IT WAS FUCKING STUPID, YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME AGAIN.

how are you not several hundred kinds of dead

or arrested

i'm pretty sure that shit's illegal

also: why did you care about nature so much, it is trees and rocks and water, it's not that special

I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT GOING TO SPILL MORE OF MY GUTS TO YOU, I'M JUST SAYING. I UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT I HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH IS A FUCK UP I DID MYSELF, BUT I STILL HAVE TO. I'M SURE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST LOVED ONES HERE TOO, MAYBE YOU SHOULD REACH OUT TO THEM.

reaching out to people means telling them

then they own a piece of me bc they know my weakness

i'm done being owned and used

YOU TOLD ME.

i went through your stuff, you're harmless. honestly when you passed on fucking me that reaction of yours said volumes about who you are as a person. you've got enough decency not to use this against me, i think

and if you do, you'd probably do in in a misguided attempt at helping me so it wouldn't be to a ton of people

besides, knowing i have a dead girlfriend =/= knowing i have a dead kid

the first bit will be public knowledge if anybody from back home pops up here, it made the papers when emily went missing and made the papers when i turned the one that did it over to the cops

second bit was something four people knew. half of which are dead

YOU WENT THROUGH YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO THE PICTURE, DID YOU?

[there was only one picture. one of archie and shelly as kids with jirachi.]

IT'S STILL WORTH FINDING SOMEONE TO TRUST. I DON'T THINK I'M THE BEST OPTION FOR THAT.

of course i did. how do you think i found your stash? and no i didn't do anything to the picture

[Brendan snorts. Archie is exactly the kind of person to trust with this: someone sappy and in touch with his emotions, someone with rigid self-imposed standards, someone who therefore won't use it against him later. He's made some sort-of friends, closer to acquaintances, here. They're all still too unknown to him and he doesn't have the means to dig up dirt on them just in case yet.

He misses Emily so much. It was so easy to trust her, to tell her his every thought, and never once did he worry she would stab him in the back. Even when he was an asshole and gave her all the reasons in the world to, she hadn't. She never even had that as an option in her pocket-notebook diary; he should know, he stole it and reread it a hundred times over.]

i can't even talk about this shit outloud yet

and for some reason you haven't thrown me out of your house

so you're going to have to do. think of it as a business deal. i'll owe you a couple of favors. i can get into places without leaving a trace, you'd be surprised what i've been able to pull off. i'm surprisingly useful when sober

IT'S NOT MY HOUSE. NO. I DON'T WANT YOU TO OWE ME ANYTHING FOR TRUSTING ME. WHAT THE FUCK.

the point about not being thrown out stands.

well technically i owe you at least one favor for the booze thing

also please stop acting like this isn't how the world works, if you're trying to protect my non-existent innocence that ship has sailed circumvented the world and returned to port laden with exotic spices, archie

I'LL ACCEPT THE BOOZE THING. BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, AMAZINGLY. I, PERSONALLY, DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU THINKING YOU OWE ME LIKE THAT.

i, personally, do not believe people that chivalrous exist

everyone wants something from someone

it's the one true constant in life

your world might be different but people are people and people are always looking out for number one

I'M NOT BEING CHIVALROUS, I'M TRYING TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE EQUATION.

removing yourself from the equation before you cash in your chips isn't the smartest move

but alright if that's what you're going with i'll give that to you. seems legit enough.

FOR MY OWN SANITY.

you tried to hijack a god

WHAT sanity?

THE VERY, VERY THIN THREADS THAT ARE LEFT AND NOT BEING EATEN AWAY AT BY SELF-LOATHING.

and you think I need help

like you've got it all together

look after yourself, i'll do me

NOT ONCE DID I CLAIM I HAD MY SHIT TOGETHER. BUT I HAVE PEOPLE I KNOW I CAN FALL ON IF I SLIP.

yeah well i don't plan to slip again

so

NEITHER DID I, BUT THEN I WOKE UP AT 5AM ON A BENCH AND STARTING CRYING BECAUSE WHEN I DIALED MATT'S NUMBER HE DIDN'T PICK UP. SOMETIMES I FEEL YOU DON'T GET A CHOICE IN WHETHER YOU SLIP OR NOT.

last time i tried to lean on someone when i was weak they tried to bury me. i know better. i'm safer on my own, slip or no slip.

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cw for suicide discussion i guesssssssss

you're not his real dad!

NOPE

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