h2no | IC contact

They aren't making me hurt myself or lash out! I just don't want to deal with them!

There isn't even really anything to deal with!

And easy on that wooden block there, Hammerhands!

You literally just burned yourself. [he stabs the knife into the cutting board. rip the knife and the board.] Take it from me, who irreparably damaged someone I love because I refused to deal with any of my issues, living like that is not acceptable.

[this sure isn't where he expected this to go. he goes back to chopping.]

Who were the friends you went to the zoo with?

I burned myself because I was completely taken aback by your insinuation that the Princess and I could ever--...

That she'd ever--...

That her and I wouldn't be a monumentally bad idea! It's not like I did it on purpose!

[He huffs like the giant brat he is.]

...It was the Princess and her team.

Her and you what?

[nope, he's lost.]

That we'd ever be in a relationship!

...You know I was just talkin' about you being roommates? Being roomies doesn't automatically mean you... y'know, do anything.

[he sighs, shakes his head.]

Right, so I'm assuming you have feelings for her, then. Are you worried about them not being reciprocated? Or is it the other way around?

... ... ...

[/SWEATS]

W-W-What?! No! I just thought that you were implying we'd be in a relationship! Why would we move in together otherwise?!

Are you kidding me?! She annoys me to no end! Even if I did, somehow, have some kinda romantic feeling for her, she's a princess! A space princess! That's so far out of my league she might as well be in outer space!

...Besides, I have no intention of falling in love or anything. I couldn't, in good conscience, let someone get that close to me.

Friends room. People that don't like each other room. The way it works here is complete strangers end up together. [he shrugs.] I guess it's not a concept that's all that common where you're from?

[he doesn't say it in a condescending way-- rather, he's assuming darin doesn't know because he just hasn't had any experience with it. through his specific circumstances or otherwise.

and that... was the answer he was hoping against hope wouldn't come.]

Is there any way whatsoever you can interact with her without feeling terrible about any of this?

I mean, her and I in a big house like that seems...

I don't want people getting the wrong idea. For her sake.

[Because he doesn't care what people think of him. He just wants to protect her.]

She's my friend. I admire her greatly. We have a good time together. But I can't let it get any further than that. She deserves...

She deserves the best. She deserves someone who won't break her heart. Even if I did stand a chance and, let's face it, she's a beautiful star princess and I'm just some blacksmith, I couldn't act on it.

They won't. Unless you give them reason to, by acting the way you did?

[he frowns, finishing up the pizza. fiddling by making the veg on it stupidly symmetrical.]

You're not just some blacksmith, you worked damn hard to be the best one in Alvale, did you not? You think your tutor would let you go five seconds lettin' you think of yourself like that?

That's how I act! I can't help that!

[Darin runs a hand through his head.]

A blacksmith is still a blacksmith, Arch. Royals in Alvale don't exactly look to the manual trades when picking suitors. There's still a gap between the classes the size of a canyon.

[Darin sets out some plates and a place to put the hot pizzas when they're done, then slumps into a stool.]

This isn't about class though, Arch. I mean, if you want to get technical, Diomuhr is the king of the Archfiends. So, I guess I'm a king in a sense. Or at least a prince. But no, the point is...just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean there's no chance of me turning ever happening.

I couldn't subject her to that.

You can always change, you know.

[he rubs his beard, leaving the pizza for now. it's really neat. like, obscenely neat. even all the cheese gratings are parallel.]

She's not a royal from Alvale. You're right, though, it's not a class thing. This isn't going to be one of those tortured by something you can't have, is it?

[because oh boy has he had more than enough experience with that.]

...Does she know?

But I'm so charming as I am.

[Darin falls silent for a few minutes. Finally, he speaks up.]

...No. I've made my peace with it. I made that peace years ago. I promised myself that I could never fall for someone. That my future was a solitary one for a reason. It sucked at first but...I'm more than comfortable with it. As long as she's happy, that's really all I need.

[He does raise an eyebrow at that last question.]

About Diomuhr?

Making peace with it is easy enough before you're faced with it.

[which... feels like it's the case, here.]

Yeah, about him.

...Yeah. Fair point. I can't really argue that one.

[He shifts a bit. It was alarming at how well Archie could see through him, sometimes. Struggling with feelings like this wasn't Darin's strongest suit.]

...Yeah. She knows. She wouldn't leave me alone about why I try to keep people at arms' length. I thought maybe telling her would scare her off but...

She's as stubborn as I am.

[he has a lot of experience with putting on masks.]

That's not a bad thing. You said you were happy because of your friend's interventions.

Yeah, I know.

[Darin drums his fingers on his workbench to keep the silence at bay. He was being forced to come to terms with some very new feelings that he wasn't sure how to process. If he told Archie, there was no doubt the man would root for him. Hell, he might even spur him on.]

[And then where does that leave him? Say he did confess to Allura...rejection was literally the furthest worry from his mind. Sure it'd sting, but in the end, it'd be best. But what if she accepted his feelings? What if she returned them? The very thought left his cheeks burning and his stomach churning. There were just so many things that could go wrong. And what if Dromas ever appeared here? Being together with her would basically seal her fate; he'd target her the instant he learned of it...and she was just too important to be put in jeopardy like that.]

[He sighs and runs a hand down his face.]

...She thinks I could be the greatest hero the world has ever known.

I don't...I don't know how to reconcile that. I don't know how to...respond to her.

I'm in deep.

[he nods along as darin speaks-- it's an awful lot of pressure for him. maybe darin can be the greatest hero the world's ever known, but you'd probably save that for when he has a little less self-loathing? well, anyway, he can understand why allura would say something like that. if anyone needs uplifting in their ability to not ruin everything they touch, darin is definitely one of them.]

Mmm. Do you think you only have one shot at this hero thing?

Screw the hero thing. I'm not...

I'm not the hero type. It's not that I don't think I can do the job, it's that there are people out there more deserving. Better suited.

Lucina, Momo, Jacob, Allura and her team.

They're heroes. They work for it. They deserve it.

I was...what? Born with power? That makes me deserving of the title of hero?

[He shakes his head.]

I don't care if I have one shot or if I have a million. When she looks at me, she sees good. She sees light. She sees something that I have never acknowledged, but dammit now I have to because I can see it reflected in those very eyes...!

[He brings himself down. He could feel his emotions spiking, he could feel the lump swelling in his throat.]

I don't...care about being a hero. I don't care if I screw it up. Screwing things up is part of being a blacksmith. You take all of your screw ups and you throw them in the fire and melt them down, then you shape them into something beautiful. A success. I don't fear mistakes.

...I fear succeeding.

[he listens, carefully, taking it in. thinking it over.]

Hero is thrown around a lot here. Especially with it being somewhat expected of imPorts to be so by the natives. [he does agree that everyone darin listed are heroes-- even if he doesn't actually know anything about momo or allura. he trusts darin's judgment.] You don't have to be something you don't want to be. You can be a hero or just a good person in a way that doesn't even include using your powers-- there's absolutely nothing wrong with providing support through this smithy, helping with clean up, supporting people who have been through something awful... it goes on. It's not always about being a valiant knight that fights angry monsters; bein' a hero is something that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

[frowning lightly:] I don't doubt Allura's faith in you, but at the same time you can't let yourself be pressured into being something you feel you can't or don't want to be. I'm not saying to disregard all their efforts and all the confidence they have in you, but you certainly can't ignore how you feel yourself during all this.

I know I don't have to.

She just...makes me want to...

There's nothing wrong with that. Strong feelings between people make them want to be better, do things to please the other.

[god knows that's how it went with him and matt. he's trying desperately to keep his own growing cynicism about it out of this conversation; archie can only associate love with great pain at the moment.]

You just have to be careful. This sort of impulsiveness is no different from any other type... but I've no doubt that you would be able to make her proud, anyway. Lucina, Momo, everyone else you mentioned... it probably didn't come to them as naturally as it seems. Everyone goes through a period of needing to find themselves.

Yeah, a "period." Mine's been my entire life. I don't know how to reconcile twenty plus years of knowing, for sure, without a shadow of doubt, that I should not be allowed to live, and now, feeling almost like a heelturn, I have so much I want to live for, despite what I am.

I know I'm making this sound so much more tortured than I should be about this, but it's a huge mental change.

I am impulsive. This is just the first time I've been selfish about it.

Twenty years at the start of your life, [he says with a shrug.] an' you still gotta get outta that, let alone think of starting grander things. One crippling emotional problem at a time, yeah?

[he just hopes they have enough time to work all this out.]

Just... be careful. That's all I can say. Especially if this is the first time you're havin' feelings like this. If you feel a kneejerk reaction coming on, just... try to hold it back.

Archie, I'm practically made of kneejerk reactions. Have you met me?

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