h2no | IC contact

That's how I act! I can't help that!

[Darin runs a hand through his head.]

A blacksmith is still a blacksmith, Arch. Royals in Alvale don't exactly look to the manual trades when picking suitors. There's still a gap between the classes the size of a canyon.

[Darin sets out some plates and a place to put the hot pizzas when they're done, then slumps into a stool.]

This isn't about class though, Arch. I mean, if you want to get technical, Diomuhr is the king of the Archfiends. So, I guess I'm a king in a sense. Or at least a prince. But no, the point is...just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean there's no chance of me turning ever happening.

I couldn't subject her to that.

You can always change, you know.

[he rubs his beard, leaving the pizza for now. it's really neat. like, obscenely neat. even all the cheese gratings are parallel.]

She's not a royal from Alvale. You're right, though, it's not a class thing. This isn't going to be one of those tortured by something you can't have, is it?

[because oh boy has he had more than enough experience with that.]

...Does she know?

But I'm so charming as I am.

[Darin falls silent for a few minutes. Finally, he speaks up.]

...No. I've made my peace with it. I made that peace years ago. I promised myself that I could never fall for someone. That my future was a solitary one for a reason. It sucked at first but...I'm more than comfortable with it. As long as she's happy, that's really all I need.

[He does raise an eyebrow at that last question.]

About Diomuhr?

Making peace with it is easy enough before you're faced with it.

[which... feels like it's the case, here.]

Yeah, about him.

...Yeah. Fair point. I can't really argue that one.

[He shifts a bit. It was alarming at how well Archie could see through him, sometimes. Struggling with feelings like this wasn't Darin's strongest suit.]

...Yeah. She knows. She wouldn't leave me alone about why I try to keep people at arms' length. I thought maybe telling her would scare her off but...

She's as stubborn as I am.

[he has a lot of experience with putting on masks.]

That's not a bad thing. You said you were happy because of your friend's interventions.

Yeah, I know.

[Darin drums his fingers on his workbench to keep the silence at bay. He was being forced to come to terms with some very new feelings that he wasn't sure how to process. If he told Archie, there was no doubt the man would root for him. Hell, he might even spur him on.]

[And then where does that leave him? Say he did confess to Allura...rejection was literally the furthest worry from his mind. Sure it'd sting, but in the end, it'd be best. But what if she accepted his feelings? What if she returned them? The very thought left his cheeks burning and his stomach churning. There were just so many things that could go wrong. And what if Dromas ever appeared here? Being together with her would basically seal her fate; he'd target her the instant he learned of it...and she was just too important to be put in jeopardy like that.]

[He sighs and runs a hand down his face.]

...She thinks I could be the greatest hero the world has ever known.

I don't...I don't know how to reconcile that. I don't know how to...respond to her.

I'm in deep.

[he nods along as darin speaks-- it's an awful lot of pressure for him. maybe darin can be the greatest hero the world's ever known, but you'd probably save that for when he has a little less self-loathing? well, anyway, he can understand why allura would say something like that. if anyone needs uplifting in their ability to not ruin everything they touch, darin is definitely one of them.]

Mmm. Do you think you only have one shot at this hero thing?

Screw the hero thing. I'm not...

I'm not the hero type. It's not that I don't think I can do the job, it's that there are people out there more deserving. Better suited.

Lucina, Momo, Jacob, Allura and her team.

They're heroes. They work for it. They deserve it.

I was...what? Born with power? That makes me deserving of the title of hero?

[He shakes his head.]

I don't care if I have one shot or if I have a million. When she looks at me, she sees good. She sees light. She sees something that I have never acknowledged, but dammit now I have to because I can see it reflected in those very eyes...!

[He brings himself down. He could feel his emotions spiking, he could feel the lump swelling in his throat.]

I don't...care about being a hero. I don't care if I screw it up. Screwing things up is part of being a blacksmith. You take all of your screw ups and you throw them in the fire and melt them down, then you shape them into something beautiful. A success. I don't fear mistakes.

...I fear succeeding.

[he listens, carefully, taking it in. thinking it over.]

Hero is thrown around a lot here. Especially with it being somewhat expected of imPorts to be so by the natives. [he does agree that everyone darin listed are heroes-- even if he doesn't actually know anything about momo or allura. he trusts darin's judgment.] You don't have to be something you don't want to be. You can be a hero or just a good person in a way that doesn't even include using your powers-- there's absolutely nothing wrong with providing support through this smithy, helping with clean up, supporting people who have been through something awful... it goes on. It's not always about being a valiant knight that fights angry monsters; bein' a hero is something that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

[frowning lightly:] I don't doubt Allura's faith in you, but at the same time you can't let yourself be pressured into being something you feel you can't or don't want to be. I'm not saying to disregard all their efforts and all the confidence they have in you, but you certainly can't ignore how you feel yourself during all this.

I know I don't have to.

She just...makes me want to...

There's nothing wrong with that. Strong feelings between people make them want to be better, do things to please the other.

[god knows that's how it went with him and matt. he's trying desperately to keep his own growing cynicism about it out of this conversation; archie can only associate love with great pain at the moment.]

You just have to be careful. This sort of impulsiveness is no different from any other type... but I've no doubt that you would be able to make her proud, anyway. Lucina, Momo, everyone else you mentioned... it probably didn't come to them as naturally as it seems. Everyone goes through a period of needing to find themselves.

Yeah, a "period." Mine's been my entire life. I don't know how to reconcile twenty plus years of knowing, for sure, without a shadow of doubt, that I should not be allowed to live, and now, feeling almost like a heelturn, I have so much I want to live for, despite what I am.

I know I'm making this sound so much more tortured than I should be about this, but it's a huge mental change.

I am impulsive. This is just the first time I've been selfish about it.

Twenty years at the start of your life, [he says with a shrug.] an' you still gotta get outta that, let alone think of starting grander things. One crippling emotional problem at a time, yeah?

[he just hopes they have enough time to work all this out.]

Just... be careful. That's all I can say. Especially if this is the first time you're havin' feelings like this. If you feel a kneejerk reaction coming on, just... try to hold it back.

Archie, I'm practically made of kneejerk reactions. Have you met me?

If it's a problem, you don't just say that's who I am.

[he wants a drink? suddenly?]

You try and change it so it isn't a problem anymore.

Hey, I am changing. Just...one thing at a time.

Of all of my issues, I think my kneejerkedness is the least catastrophic.

When it comes to a fucked up, complicated emotion like love? No. It's probably the most catastrophic.

[yeah. yeah he wants a really strong drink.]

L-L-LOVE?!

WHOA WHOA WHOA!! WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE?!

I LIKE HER!! A LOT!! BUT WE ARE A LONG WAYS AWAY FROM SAYING "LOVE!"

Super duper strong friendship feelings for her, then. I don't give a shit how you want to be persnickety about it.

No, that's fine, let's call it that.

Yeah, okay.

[he carefully places the obscenely neat pizza into the provided cast iron pan.]

Let's get this did. I feel like drinking heavily, suddenly. Shoulda mixed somethin' in with the tomato sauce...

... ... ...

[Darin takes the pan and places it over the rack he'd set up over the open flame.]

...I'm...sorry. I know I'm not the easiest person to...

I know the way I approach things is unconventional. Or stupid. I know I'm probably the biggest headache you've ever met. A lot of people always told me I was.

...But...if it means anything...I really appreciate you. I appreciate the way you look out for me. I appreciate that...you were the first person I met here. The first person I told my secret to. My first...

...My first friend.

[archie snorts, flapping his hand.]

Oh, don't worry. You're far from having the honour of biggest headache in my life-- I had a rival back home, stupid book nerd. [whom he misses dearly. this is why he doesn't talk about his own shit. ugh.] Look, I don't think less of you for any of this. People approach stuff in their own ways and I'm just... er, fortunate, I suppose, to have made a lifetime of mistakes and successes to have any perspective on it at all.

...Ugh, I'm only a decade older than you. I'm making myself feel old.

IC contact

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)