h2no | IC contact

Y...eah, I get that. The feeling doesn't go away, sorry t'say.

[...]

Do you know what hypervigilance is? I'm assuming yes, because you're a learned scholar, but I'm just asking.

Of course I do.

[ She says, sounding a little offended for multiple reasons. ]

But- I don't think it's like that. I'm appropriately paranoid, not...terrified.

[ Well. She's terrified more than she'd like to admit. ]

You can be both.

[said quietly and a little thoughtfully, more like he's not just thinking about cass.]

Well, anyway, if anyone does get blown up, then there's plenty of imPorts with healing abilities.

[...he thinks. jeez, with magnus gone, how many are left?]

Well...I'm not that. Yet.

[ This is denial, although she's not really lying. She doesn't think she's at that point yet- but now Archie's going to make her think about it. ]

How many do you know? I think you're the only one I know pretty well. At least- the only one left.

I'd hope not.

[he tries not to identify it as that; archie's no psychologist and he could never know how cass is feeling. every time they talk and he remembers her time limit, he gets a weird pit in his stomach... she really deserves better than to be stuck here alone.]

Ah... good question. I know there's one other healer in Aegis... [he sighs a little bitterly, though it's not directed at cass.] Stupid of me to assume we could have nice things for longer than a month.

Right? You'd think if we really were defending Lachesis and the Porter from Atropos or...whatever the fuck is happening for them to bring us here, they'd want us to survive.

[ Does she have conspiracy theories? Yes, clearly. ]

You mean, aside from death being impermanent?

[look when you die enough it's hard to forget that fact...]

Dying isn't surviving. Those are diametrically opposed things.

[ Yeah, Archie, she's that pretentious. ]

You're not wrong, but it's still the most extreme the Porter has covered. If the only way for us to leave her service is for her to make the active choice to get rid of us...

[ That's a touchy subject for Cassandra. She sounds more intense immediately. ]

How do we even figure out why she sends people back? I mean, think of the people from my world who are gone. There's nothing particular they did to...make her angry or something. Hell, you'd think she'd send me back for pestering her and her fucking sister so much.

[ She's clearly hung up on this. ]

[he feels a little out of his depth discussing porter theories with cassandra-- not for any reason that's her own fault, but she clearly knows and has a bigger connection to the godly stuff than he does. it feels like he has nothing to contribute.]

I... wish I knew. Maybe it's best to focus on people who are still here, while they're here, like you said.

...At least that'd get things done.

[ She's said it, but it's still hard to accept, thinking of some of the people gone. People like Persephone and Dionysus, who had things so much better here. Not to mention that all of them could have avoided their death sentence. ]

But- this world's a fucking hellscape, but so are a lot of the places people are from. It would be nice to find some way to keep them here. Least we could do.

[he feels it-- and he knows she's lost a lot of people. it's not at the forefront of his mind, but... still. yikes.]

We'll figure it out eventually. They got somewhere last December talking to the Porter, didn't they? Even if it all went to shit for a couple days.

Tell that to most of the other imPorts from that time. The very first thing anyone told me when I ported in was that nobody should ever touch the Porter again. They acted like it'd been apocalyptic.

It didn't go too badly for you?

Oh, I ended up about an inch away from bleeding to death in my own kitchen, but it worked out. My healing got changed slightly with the nanite changes, so it worked on me too. Cleaning that up was a hell of a time, I tell ya what. Some guy walked in and thought I'd just killed someone. How are you meant to explain that it's actually just several buckets of your own blood, but you're fine now?

[yes, because the clean up was the bad thing about what he's just said. the casual way with which he talks about it is probably not very healthy.]

No, it was awful. Even after that some people ended up so hurt from the nanites not working that I almost killed myself again overdoing it with the healing. It was hellish. It's just a case of the end justifying the means-- and if it could be repeated without such an effect.

Wh- Archie, what the fuck! You could have lead with that! It sounds like you nearly died.

[ Christ, and she thinks Archie's the one with relatively stable well-being. Maybe she's wrong on that one. ]

After all that, you really think it was worthwhile? Even if I could finally figure out some of this shit...if it put everyone else at risk, I still wouldn't do it. Not like that.

I mean, it's not exactly fun to talk about. Luckily I didn't hit a five-time wombo-combo.

[he's... probably just a little above the others, in terms of it.]

Yeah, I... I don't know. It would have to be consensual, at least. I know people actually did die from it.

Yeah, and we're not going to get everyone to agree after that happened. I'd say it's a no-go at this point.

[ She huffs. ] Which fucking sucks, because it's the easiest thing to think of at this point. If it's willing to talk, you'd think it could actually help us out with some of this shit.

There's something, there's always something. You made me realise that when we spoke in September, you know? We just gotta ask the right questions. Find out what that something is.

[he exhales through his nose.]

...Well, anyway, on a smaller scale I'll start looking for therapists for Martin and keep you in the loop. Sound good?

You didn't see it already? There's got to be some sort of pattern or reasoning, it's just...not clear enough to me.

[ Just her. Obviously. ]

Yeah, that sounds good. We'll have to ambush Rex and Andy with it at some point, but I'd hope they wouldn't say no.

No. I let my grief make me stupid an small minded.

[to be fair, it's not clear to him, either. he just has to believe it's there.]

I've already mentioned it in passing to her, I think she's alright with it. We can talk about it again when we've found someone.

That's- [ Something she does, too, but she's not going to admit that. ] A bit deep, Archie. No offense.

But- good, then. If Andy's fine with it Rex probably will be, but I'll have tell him, too. Good luck looking for someone.

Yeah. Well, I've done it enough that I'm trying to be actively aware of it.

[the shrug is clear in his voice.]

I'll keep you updated. Stay safe, Cass.

Well- at least I get that.

[ All too well, actually. ]

Thanks. You too- you never know what bullshit's going to happen around here.

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