h2no | IC contact

What? That can't...

[ well, actually, he can't really say "that can't be true", because as much as Odin believes Archie is an honest and amazing person, he wasn't there when things were bad. maybe archie HAS done some terrible things in the past, and just because odin thinks he's a wonderful human being now doesn't necessarily mean that was always the case for archie. odin doesn't believe it for a second, but maybe archie really did manipulate this poor matt guy, and this was a confession rather than empty words born of fear and heartbreak and self-doubt. blindly digging his boots in and screaming that archie would never screw with someone's head like that seems like the wrong thing to do. he needs more information. ]

Why d'you think that? Are you and he not, um. [ together? happy? fuck, how can he even ask that, of course archie isn't happy. he's all but bleeding unhappiness. ]

Did he say that to you...? That you manipulated him? Or - or is there something else going on?

No. He never said it. I just... it's what happened.

[he groans, ducking his head down.]

I don't know why they all fuckin' believe me... Matt was-- yeah, he made his own choices, but I dunno. I don't know what he would really think. He went off on his own when I was stopped because I never told him properly how much our relationship meant and he thought I thought he wasn't good enough.

[TEARS WELL UP AGAIN!!]

And now I can't tell him! Because I'm fucking stuck fucking here forever! Fuck!

[he kicks the coffee table in anger, sending it skidding a little way back on the carpet and knocking a few things off.]

You can't trust your own eyes when it comes to this kind of thing, man. You're hurting so damn much, there's no way you can see clearly. If someone I loved hurt me the way you think you've hurt Matt, I... I dunno. I don't think I'd be able to hold a grudge against them. Not forever. If he believed in you so much that he fell apart for you, that has to mean something, right? Even if you can't tell him you're sorry that love he had for you still has to be there. Love doesn't just go away! A-And. I don't know him or anything, but I bet he'd be heartbroken if he thought he was putting you through this.

[ odin flinches when Archie kicks the table, but he doesn't say anything. just watches it go. ]

Listen-- listen. I know it's not fair for me to tell you to pin your hopes on going home, or-- or say that he might come here, but-- but you might still see him again. It's a revolving door here, man, and I know-- I know hope isn't enough. Everyone says that hope can hold you through the darkest times of your life, but it can't, not when you're hurting this bad. But. But!! You can't just accept that things are over, okay? It's not gonna be over until you're dragged into death kicking and screaming. So-- don't think that it is!! Don't give up on seeing him again until you're breathing your last. Think about what you'll say to him just in case you can! It's important, and it's totally gonna happen, so you gotta think it through and you've gotta get it done and you can't screw it up!!

[he drops his head into his hands and groans, falling back into the couch.]

Fucking-- shit. Sorry. [look he's only human and sometimes it's too much and he has a rage baby tantrum.] I didn't mean to--

[he stops talking, listening to odin. deep down, the knows that what he's doing is entirely ignoring matt's own agency and extremely selfish. how can he do this? how can he just assume how matt and shelly feel and project his own feelings onto them. god. he's such a shithead.]

I'd say... sorry, and that I love him so much it makes me hate myself less.

It's okay. Don't apologize. My skin's not so thin that I can't handle my sad friend kicking a dumb table.

[ he kicks the table to hammer in his point. fucking table, go suck a bub. he shuffles back in his seat, then, leaning back and resting his head on archie's shoulder and staring vacantly off towards the distant side of the room. poor sad short boy. he feels shitty for thinking it, because he knows it's the kind of selfish, privileged thinking only a person who hasn't experienced this kind of heartache before would think, but - a small part of odin wishes he was loved by someone as much as archie loves matt. he doesn't think he's capable of being loved at all, though, let alone at such a level. ]

I think you'll see him again. But even if you don't - I don't want you to drown in this. Do you think, uh... do you think you could do me a favor and talk to me again? In the future? Whenever you're sad? I mean -- whenever you're sad, even if it hasn't gotten to a point where you're so sad you're breaking down about it? If you're just bummed and it's starting to build up a bit, do you think you could send me a message and ask me to come over or something? 'Cause I wanna be here for that.

[hey?? hey?? if archie ever finds out that's how odin feels he's going to get one hell of a haranguing. fuck you, large muscle boy. everyone loves you.

he sighs miserably and lets odin lean on him. his first instinct is a little to shove him off and go have a tantrum and break more things but he wouldn't-- can't do that to odin.]

Yeah. Sorry, I don't mean to keep puttin' this on you. We've known each other for like 2 days.

[ he doesn't mind if Archie wants to break more stuff. he'll just sit here and wait 'til he's done, if that's what'll make him feel better. he can't tell that that's what Archie's feeling, though, so he just lays there, being a nuisance. ]

I mean, I started it. I sent you that big story about you being a merman. And I made it-- it was all serious. And I think I upset you because of how serious it was, 'cause I couldn't sleep and made it all-- you know. Sad. And I've been playing that back in my head feeling really shitty about it, because you were just some cool guy I knew and I threw all these dumb emotions at you in the middle of the night? But you, like. Listened. And cared about me. But it was unfair of me. I shouldn't have done it. But I'm glad I did, 'cause it meant I could open up to you and it means you're opening up to me now, and I really like you and the relationship we have. So.

No regrets. Except for all of them. Sorry for those. I'm glad, though, is the bottom line. So don't apologize? Or something.

[okay so genuinely?? archie has to stop and wonder who odin is for a moment. not in the way he literally doesn't know who he is, but just who odin dark is. he knows now why odin had to change his name and stuff and only knows him as odin, but... he feels like when he's being real, he's actually talking to owain.

maybe he's just projecting how he formed his own "king of the sea" persona, but y'know.]

It's fine, I get what you mean. I guess we're just two sad, traumatised idiots, huh? No wonder we get on so well.

[he thinks of what he's going to say next, wondering if it's okay, but it's out his mouth before he really can stop himself. archie is immediately overtaken with anxiety, wondering if he just fucked something up.]

Thanks, Owain.

[ odin actually laughs when Archie calls out their shared trauma, and he nudges him gently, just looking at him with soft affection. fuck, he really cares about this guy. he really hopes archie will find a little more peace soon, 'cause he deserves it. it's assuming a lot to say this, but odin thinks of him, right now, at least, as his very best friend. ]

Oh. No. It's okay. I love that you're talking to me about this. I'm always gonna be here for ya, dad.

[ and he immediately goes pale. ]

I mean - sorry. I meant - like, bro? I meant to say "bro", but I said - I don't know why I said that. I don't think of you as my dad. I think of you as my friend. I don't know what - sorry. I'm really sorry. I think-- I mean, it was just reflexive, 'cause of-- I'm really, really, really really really really sorry. Th-the god of thunder himself, um, would strike-- strike me down, if, [ he's getting more pale, worse, ] -- I mean, no. The -- the tides! They're rising, but-- fuck, no, water, I can't use-- water, um, with you, uh. [ he's off his game, he's panicking, he's trying so hard to cover up this stupid fucking thing he said and panicking is just making it worse, it always makes it worse, ] the-- the fire! Fire. It's-- dark... darkness.

[ he's up from the sofa, now, just kinda holding his hands up in surrender, staring down at archie like he's really not sure how he can fuck this up any worse. he wants to go back in time and stop himself from opening his big stupid mouth, but even thinking "i want to go back in time" just reminds him of everything he's been through and makes his whole body shake. he's fine, fuck, he's not the type to get nervous or homesick or screw up this bad, he doesn't know what he's doing, he's in over his head. ]

Sorry. This isn't-- I don't know what I'm doing? I'm making this about me. Sorry. I'm here for you. Just-- can we forget this? This thing I'm doing? I don't know why it's happening.

It's fine! It's fine! That was my fault, I-- I was thinking of something else, okay! I was just thinking of what you told me earlier and it just came out!!

[he holds his hands out, Also Panicking, because these two are disaster idiots.]

Uh-- thank, though. I'm-- I'm glad we... yeah.

No! It's-- good! It's good! I liked-- the coming! Of your words! Out at me! The way they happened! It was-- A+! [ he waves his arms frantically through the air. ] My skull! Is small! And my brain! Is the size of a bean! So I'm not-- I'm a dumb human person! But I liked being called Owain! It was, like. Nice! Wow! So good!

[ oh! oh! wait! archie's got his hands out! odin grabs them?? is that what he's supposed to do?? ]

Nice! Okay. Me too! I'm glad - thanks. Thanks! Thank you. Sorry. I'm really sorry. I wish I wasn't stupid so I could tell you how sorry I am. I suck so much. Hrrggghhgghrggggh.

Odin--! Odin, you're--

[hyperfocusing... okay archie just does what he did last time: grab his hand and pull him down into a hug.

be cool. shut up.]

[ okay, yeah, so this is the second or maybe even third time Archie's managed to shut Odin up by hugging him, so it's pretty clear by now that that's his off switch. thank god archie found it or this could have done on all night. odin's still very shaky and awkward when archie hugs him, but he chills the fuck out soon enough, burying his head in Archie's shoulder and shutting his eyes. ]

Ugh.

Ughhh.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm not opening my eyes 'cause I'm embarrassed about being stupid and I'm pretending to cast a spell to throw myself into some cool magical darkness. Bye, world. Odin's out.

[yeah it's kind of tragic archie hates it but also appreciates it.]

Look, just-- ya know when you start chasing a thread inside your head? An' you're following it? It's just gonna take ya somewhere bad. Tell it to fuck off, because you're not stupid or awkward, this stupid thread you're following is just pulling you into a place where you think you are.

Okay. Okay. [ odin sounds impatient and awkward and sad. he just nods a lot. ]

I didn't come over for me, though. [ he also sounds pissed off. only at himself, still, but pissed nevertheless. ] Don't gotta waste time talking to me about that. I just did a dumb thing and I'm paying for it. I wanna be here for you, not the other way around. M'sorry. I'll be cool. Gotta chill out. Maybe stop talking so much. How are you doing? Did I-- like, make you not feel okay? Are you okay in the first place?

You're following it again. I'm gonna get a damn spray bottle, I swear to friggin' Azelf.

[he gives odin a squeeze to Prove It.]

I'm not! [ he is. he throws his hands up in exasperation. and anger. at himself. he's so stupid. ]

I just! Don't! Want! You! To not! Call me Owain! Or not talk to me about your feelings! Just because I'm dumb! I love you. Wueeeuhh. [ he lightly headbutts archie in the chest. ]

[archie sighs, hugging him a little harder.]

It's okay. Just-- calm down. You're good. We're good.

Wuegghhhhghghhh. [ He headbutts Archie again, but then goes limp, finally. life is hard. ]

Sorry. You're my friend and I care about you. Life is hard. Life is hard and stupid and I want to punch it literally almost all the time.

Yeah, [said with a sigh. he pulls odin in closer now he's not flopping arond.] me too.

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