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WHAT I HAVE FOR THE TIME BEING IS:

"SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT AND A LITTLE BIT OF YESTERDAY'S PIZZA"

I WANT TO PUT ONE OF THOSE LITTLE PIZZA SLICES IN THERE
WTF ARE THEY AGAIN? "EMOJI"?

THE TEEN SPIRIT JOKE IS OLD, BRO. 🍕🍕🍕🍕 YOU MIGHT WANT TO CLARIFY THAT YOU HAVE SUPER SPEED BUT WAIT HOW OLD ARE YOU? I WANT TO KNOW BEFORE I MAKE THAT JOKE.

IT'S OLD? REALLY? GODDAMN. I'VE BARELY GOTTEN TO USE IT

I DON'T WANT THE FIRST THING ON MY DATING PROFILE TO BE A JOKE ABOUT BEING TOO FAST IN BED, BRO. I NEED TO AVOID THAT AT ALL COSTS.

ALSO I'M 27.

OKAY GOOD I THOUGHT SO. ALSO, THEY'RE GONNA ASK. I CAN TELL THEY WILL ASK BECAUSE THAT'S THE FIRST THING ANYONE THINKS OF WHEN YOU MENTION SUPER SPEED IN A ROMANTIC SETTING. WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING FOR, ANYWAY? LADIES? MEN? BOTH? CAUSE I'D SAY DEPENDING ON WHO YOU WANT IT'D HAVE TO BE TAILORED DIFFERENTLY.

HERE FOR ALL THE SINGLE LADIES. (ARE BEYONCE JOKES STILL COOL?)

BUT SO HOW DO I COUNTER THIS. I NEED TO PRESERVE MY EGO HERE.

YES. I'VE FOUND LADIES DO LIKE THE WIT. GUYS ARE LESS PICKY. JUST BE HONEST. YOU'VE DATED BEFORE, RIGHT?

I LIVED 27 YEARS AND SPENT MOST OF THAT TIME LIVING IN MY MOM'S BASEMENT PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.

I'M GONNA LET THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION HOW IT WILL, BUT A GIRL ALSO THREW HER COFFEE ON ME LAST MONTH - THAT'S ABOUT THE MOST ACTION I'VE GOTTEN IN A WHILE

GIVEN HOW FAST YOU MOVE I DOUBT THAT YOU SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN IT. WHAT DID YOU DO? FUNNY THING - LADIES ALSO LIKE BEING TREATED WITH RESPECT, BRO.

I MIGHT'VE SUGGESTED SHE KISS ME
SHE WAS HOT AND KINDA INTO IT THO. I THINK. SHE SAID SHE'LL CALL ME FOR A REPLACEMENT DRINK SOMETIME

EVEN IF THAT WAS A LIE I THINK IT TURNED OUT PRETTY WELL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED
IT BEING ICED COFFEE WAS A BIG PLUS

GENERALLY IT TENDS TO WORK IF YOU LET THINGS LEAD THEMSELVES. THAT IS A GOOD SIGN, THOUGH. ESPECIALLY IT NOT BEING ALCOHOL. I GUESS JUST SAY YOU'RE DOWN TO HAVE FUN AND ADVENTURE, BUT ALSO NOT GONNA PUSH THINGS.