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This is going to be the most absurdly domestic shit I've ever said, but: what are you getting Martin for Christmas? And Rex and Andy, for that matter?

[ Look. Martin wants to do Christmas. They have to do Christmas!! ]

that's a bad thing? i don't know yet martin gave me something he knitted so i'm going to return the favour and try and carve something out of wood for him maybe some alcohol and books for andy and rex. respectively. why?

Well, those will probably work. Rex is literally the only person in the world who would enjoy books as a gift, after all.

I don't know, aren't people supposed to collaborate on this stuff? I know Martin is making Rex a sweater. Which was Andy's suggestion, but if Martin's making it she should be getting something herself. But I've got no idea what that kid likes. If he likes anything. I feel like if I get him spelling workbooks or something I'm gonna look like an asshole.

i don't see a problem with giving someone books if it's a topic they'd enjoy. i don't think there's a supposed to do anything. i'm doing what i want because i don't really give a shit about any rules that exist for this weird holiday that doesn't even exist back home. martin would take pretty much anything but i'd suggest something small and simple. nothing over the top, or he'd probably get overwhelmed or start to feel like he owes you enough that he won't be able to enjoy it. work books maybe just as a gift, not for a holiday.

What are you giving him, military history? Or are you going the cookbook route? [ As in: are you going to drag him? ]

You're probably right about Martin. He deserves something nice, but it'll probably make him all antsy. My problem is that I don't even know what he likes. Yarn? Isn't that a shit gift?

i'm not sure. they seem to be okay for food recently, or at least haven't objected to me not bringing over as much.

[heeeee completely misses the joke there, woops.]

i don't think so. maybe one of those yarns that has sparkly stuff weaved into it or a custom colour combination? i don't know about andy. i'd default to alcohol.

think she'd punch me if i got her a self-help book?

Hey, don't make her murder you in front of the Christmas tree. Her kid will be right there.

[ Honestly? She totally could see Andy punching him for that. So there's a little bit of seriousness in there. ]

Let's hope they're eating something actually good instead of plain oatmeal again. Maybe I'll just get Martin an art set? He liked those beads. I think.

would make for a hell of show though you're right i'll rethink that one at the very least i'll assume they're eating that stuff martin made that one time. which is very nutritious and probably better for them if they're used to it. that sounds like a good idea and he did like them he's not that hard to read if you trust yourself to be accurate with what you think he's feeling, cass

It stops being a hell of a show when Rex glares at you while he scrubs your blood off the floor.

You're implying I trust myself on that one. I've gotten fucked over before, thinking I knew how people felt. At this point I'd rather just ask...but it's not like he'll be honest if he thinks I'd be mad. I don't know.

you're not saying that from experience, are you?

[there's a pause before he answers the next one. right, of course. how could he say something so thoughtless after all cass had told him about woden?]

fair, sorry it'll be alright i think the beads are a really good idea. are you gonna get themed ones? like black and silver?

Thankfully, no. Let's hope that never happens.

[ ...But who knows. ]

Nah. I don't want to make him think he has to make them for specific people or anything. I'll have to find some sort of all-colors set. Would he like painting? Is that a thing? I don't exactly buy gifts for kids often. Or ever.

that makes two of us painting is a bit messy, especially with how brushes and paints can be ruined if its mixed i've seen him draw before. he seemed quite good at it, enough that it might've been something he's practiced before. maybe just a pad and some pencils for drawing? and one of those books that you connect the dots and make a picture from. or a how to draw book for beginners.

He's not that young. We can just tell him to put down newspaper or something.

But drawing might be better. Why do you think he knows how to do it? It seems like he didn't have much in the way of hobbies before he was here. It's good, it's just kind of weird.

oh, i don't expect a mess to be made due to lack of spatial awareness. it's just messy in general. when i was showing him the alphabet, way back, he drew over an alligator in the book to show what it looked like back home.

Huh. I'll have to see if I can get him to do it.

Hey- what do you think we should do about this housing shit? Everyone moving around. I don't want them to kick Martin and Rex out of their house. It's theirs.

[ ...It was Dionysus', too. She's more sentimental than she realizes. ]

i thought it was something they could opt out of? i had no idea that was even a possibility

They can opt for it just to be the two of them, I think, but they're reducing the amount of housing, aren't they? I imagine people are going to get shoved around whether they like it or not. It's all bureaucratic bullshit.

It's just not fair. Could be worse, but still.

hmm at least they won't get split up i guess the other option is to buy out the house or something but does anyone have that sort of money laying around? maybe moving will be good for them. a lot's happened there.

Christ, I could have once. But fame was fucking awful, and it's not like any of the Pantheon left me money.

[ If only. ]

You might be right. The first time I walked into there it was because a fucking Woden doppelganger had tried to stab Martin.

Wait, do you even know about that?

[the fact that cassandra's phone is now ringing likely means otherwise.]

He did WHAT?!

Wh- hey! I didn't know!

[ She feels a little defensive because of the yelling, of course, but she can't say she wouldn't have reacted similarly, if she really looks at herself. ]

It was during all that doppelganger bullshit earlier this year. I guess Martin ran into the real Woden at one point, and this one just wanted to go around and kill people? Rex took him down and...snapped his neck, eventually. [ She sighs. Sometimes she forgets what Rex can do. ] Hence part of why I'm always so paranoid about that asshole. But who knows if the real guy actually cares that much. He cares about fucking with me, but- maybe not Martin.

[ She doesn't sound sure of that. ]

Oh, my god. Fuck. Ohhh, my god.

[if seems to her like he's having something of an existential crisis on the other end of the line, it's because he literally is.]

I feel sick. [certainly not in part because of what rex did. he doesn't disagree with that, per se, but this is a lot to take in!] Of course he went for Martin if he knows you give a shit about him. Just-- shit. I had no idea. I'm so sorry.

[ To some extent, Archie's stress is making her more stressed. In another way...she feels like he's having a pretty justified reaction, and she could stand to see more of those around here. ]

Oh, you want to know the craziest part? I hadn't even met Martin before that. The only reason I went over is because I'd met Rex, and he knew I was putting up with Woden's horeshit all the time.

But when he actually went after Martin? For his pantheon? [ Her voice is dripping with menace on the word. ] It was pretty fucking high on the list of the worst things he's done. I can't let that happen again.

[ After a pause: ] Maybe I need to check on him and Rex more. I don't know.

[he lets off a string of curses, turning the air blue in true sailor fashion. it takes him a moment to actually collect himself enough just to start talking normally to her again. archie won't bother mentioning he spoke to the guy a couple weeks ago on the network.]

No, no, of course not. [his tone is sympathetic; he can't imagine how cass must've felt, knowing woden did that and she wasn't there to stop him.] You--you know, you don't have to do all that alone. Rex and Andy can certainly take care of themselves and Martin... Arceus, I don't know, he's a tough kid when he puts his mind to it.

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