Uh-huuh. If you'd resigned then you woulda been on the receiving end of Ashley's wrath, which I've never seen but can only imagine pales in comparison to the stick up Diomuhr's ass...
[he threads his fingers, leaning on his elbows on the desk. rests his chin on his knuckles.]
And I am sure I'm gettin' less than zero satisfaction outta this. How are we moving forward from it? How'd you come back down?
I got away from Guzma. Regained my senses. Fought my way back into control.
[There's a healthy pause before Darin admits.]
It...wasn't actually Guzma that made me lose it. Not exactly. Mizuki...she...
She was fighting Gumza with everything she had. She was losing her pokemon to his cancellation powers. It was destroying her. She's a little girl Archie. A little girl who was willing to sacrifice everything she loved just to bring Guzma back to reality and there are imPorts among us who can't even get over their own hang ups and grudges to make a stand when it comes to saving lives? And the people of this stupid rock...they...they'll just as soon demonize her because she was pulled here against her own volition before they consciously make a stand to fix what's really broken.
[He runs a hand through his hair.]
I don't know what it was but...all of my restraint dissolved when I heard that little girl call for Nebby. I don't even know who or...or what that is but...I was so mad. People throw the term 'monster' around so casually...
When I changed...I changed because I wanted to put a stop to it. I wanted to...to stop Guzma from doing something I knew he'd regret, I wanted to stop the destruction and I wanted to stop the screams...
Hey, hey... [archie gets up, rounding the desk to lean against the side and put a hand on darin's shoulder. admittedly, when he thought this would happen, he figured it might be during one of their dick-swinging contests and he's forever thankful it didn't, but archie's not really thinking about that now.] it was a noble reason for sure, and Mizuki ain't gonna have an easy time here the way many other imPorts won't. She has you on her side though, don't she? I know I am.
[he exhales for a moment, ruminating on what to say next.]
She's-- somewhat of a product of the system back home, too. I've noticed she tries to shoulder everything herself, which is what happens when the Champions or Interpol and the police don't make it. The kid that stopped me back home was exactly the same as her and ended up feeling much the same way. It's a shitty way to feel and a shitty thing to see happen and be enabled, but we gotta deal with what we have. Not what we wish we had.
[he looks away for a moment-- he was there, after all. he saw her screaming as well.]
Even that desire... isn't something to shoulder alone. You don't have to be the one to personally save everyone.
You know...a while back I'd have given your world crap for something like that but...
Turns out? We're all pretty fucked up, aren't we...
[The hand on his shoulder is a welcome one and he reaches up with his own hand and reaches across his chest to put it atop Archie's.]
I know I'm not alone. I know I haven't been for a long time. I just...wanted to put my best foot forward here. Instead...I just gave the world another reason to hate us more. Put the spotlight on the team because its new leader can turn into an earth cracking monster. I'm not gonna run but I have to take responsibility. Not just out of respect for the team but...because the world deserves to know who is trying to protect them.
The worst part? I don't...I don't think that transformation was Diomuhr. I think that was all me. And not only that but...
[Darin brushes his long bangs away from one of his ears to show that, while not as elongated as Allura's are...his own ears have grown to a slight point.]
...I'm changing, Arch. I'm changing and I don't know into what and it's scaring the hell out of me...
[His voice catches a bit, betraying how uncertain he really is.]
I don't believe this time had anything to do with Guzma, but from what I've seen you two still have a spectacularly unhealthy relationship. I say that having Vegas married the guy!
[finally, he moves back to his seat, shrugging.]
I'm not his babysitter. If he's gonna go do something like that, then he's free to. I just feel bad for his Pokémon, really. [he raises an arm, pulling the sleeve back. showing a big ugly burn scar that's partly healed.] That Charizard of his was really damaged when he responded.
Actually, after we beat the living daylights out of each other where no powers were involved I think we came to a kind of under...stand...ing...
[Darin sort of trails off as Archie's words connect with his brain and for a second it seems like maybe that's it. For a solid minute, Darin just sorta stares into the ether before raising his hand to Archie's; the one still on his shoulder, and feels around for a ring. You know, like a wedding band. But no, that would be stupid. If Archie were to get a ring for something like that, it would be in a far more inappropriate place. Especially if this were in Vegas. And alcohol was undoubtedly involved.]
[He opens his mouth to say something but what the hell could he even say? This is just...it's asinine but it's so perfectly them that he's got nothing to counter it with.]
[Finally he just drops his stupid head into his chin and gives Archie a deadpan look. He'll address Lance in a second.]
The only way I'll accept this is if Pinsir were the flower girl.
You're asking me this, but I don't even know how the marriages work on this world. It's not how it works back home and I don't-- this wasn't planned. I only found out when he was given visiting rights when I got shot.
[he waves a hand.]
If you want it to be Pinsir, odds are it could've been Pinsir. Hell, maybe I fought him for it! I've done that before.
Hey, I said I was part of the problem. Though... honestly it didn't mean anything. It weren't for love or any of that stupid crap, if that's what you're thinking.
I dunno. Lately I feel like things have been growing more and more distant between myself and the people I care about. You, Lucina...I feel like I'm standing on the outside of this bubble and I'm looking in and I can't get through this transparent barrier...
At first I thought it was because I was sent home and came back..well, different. More experienced. Now I don't know what it is. I just feel like the outlier...
[He sighs and pushes himself to his feet, making his way to a box with some of his personal effects in it.]
A-Anyway...don't worry about that. Like I said, I'm sorry about Lance. I know he and Guzma might have an even more violent history than Guzma and I have but...I guess I was just put off by the fact that he was letting that grudge cloud his judgment. He had no intention of helping Guzma or the people he was hurting. He acted like Guzma deserved to be taken over by Nihilego and that...that just wasn't right to me.
[you dumbass of course he's going to worry about that]
Huh? Why with me? [he frowns the line of thought off.] It's fine-- he had his reasons. At least he went off to stop Ultra Beasts around Maurtia Falls, didn't he?
[leaning back again, archie exhales.]
If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not talk too deeply about the concept of possession.
It's just...I dunno. Things have been strained since that one conversation we had regarding Guzma. I feel like maybe I was just...I dunno. Like I was losing something.
It's hard to explain. All I know is that I've done a stellar job in my first week as co-commander. [That last line couldn't be more sarcastic.]
I don't know if I'm even doing the right thing. Butting heads with Lance, losing myself and transforming and doing all that collateral damage...
[He reaches into the box and pulls out a framed photo of him and Allura he planned on keeping on his desk.]
...Have you been by to see Lucina and Guzma? Are they doing okay?
It was a rough time all around, Darin. People go through shit and withdraw and they can't vocalise it or maybe don't want to vocalise it to you. It's nothing personal. You don't have to be everyone's hero and everyone's confidant. Hell, during that time I didn't even want to be saved; I was perfectly happy sinking further and further into a shitty bog of bad choices.
[or... well, he wasn't, but he did it anyway.]
They're... them. Lucina shoulderin' all responsibility and pushin' herself too far as usual, Guzma being an insufferable cockhole as usual. [he shrugs.] 'Sides, you're hardly the only one present that royally fucked up in that seat. I basically argued with everyone and almost got into an actual slapfight with Akobi my first time.
I know that but that's the problem with having the sense of perspective to empathize with anyone...you just...want to. I'm not mad or...or upset or anything I just hate feeling helpless. Like my hands are tied. If I'm not doing something...
[He sighs and heads back to his desk. He slumps in his seat and picks up a coin that he'd been messing with on his desk. He rolls it across his knuckles idly, and as he does so, a crackle of blue energy changes the coin into a metal ball. Then back into a coin. Then into a small bullet. Then back into a ball again. Then finally a coin again. The precision was growing greater and greater as he moves his hand, but it's clear he's not even paying attention to it.]
Yeah...I know. But with how enthusiastically I was nominated, I can't help but feel I'm letting people down. I haven't even faced Allura yet, but only because I know she'll find someway to make me feel better about all of this and...
I dunno. Maybe it sounds weird, but I want to let myself be disappointed in myself for a bit. Back when it was just me...I'd take that and turn it into motivation.
[He snorts, biting back a laugh.]
You might be the only person I know who'd let me kick myself for a little bit, which is why I think you're the only one I could call now. No offense.
Welcome to being human. I'm pretty sure that's how we all feel when we know our friends are goin' through shit. I guess this is the first time you've let yourself be close enough to people to feel that, huh?
[he watches the show for a little while, ruminating.]
None taken. A little bit of kickin' goes a long way.
Yeah, how dare everyone be so godsdamned supportive around here. Right now I just wanna be pissed at myself and eat junk food.
[He flips the coin back onto the desk, changing it one last time into an arrowhead that thunks satisfyingly onto the wood.]
But...you're right. It's why I guess I'm always up everyone's collective asses.
The sad thing is, I know I can't save everyone, but I get frustrated when I don't at least do something. Then again...maybe that's why you guys put me in charge here in the first place.
[Darin happily scoops up another slice of pizza, then reaches into one of the drawers of his desk and procures a bottle of whiskey. He sends a pulse through the bottle, chilling it, then pops the cork and takes a sip. When he's done, he holds the bottle out to Archie in offering.]
[He's getting pretty good with that magic of his.]
It's possible to over-empathise, and when you do that you ignore yourself. On purpose or by accident.
[he would know, considering he does the same shit.]
You gotta work out a balance between accepting that you can't do anything or just doing what you can, even if it's not enough. Sometimes you just have to accept that the kind of help someone needs... you can't give. But that doesn't mean what you do give them means any less.
[he takes the bottle, eyebrows raised slightly.]
There's always something to do. Don't forget that. There's always something, even if it's just as small as sending 'em a text to let 'em know you're thinkin' of 'em.
I don't think it's about growing too fast... I think you just expect too much of yourself.
[he shrugs, taking a pull off the drink.]
Are you trying to be Darin the hero, or just Darin? Because you can be both. It's not about solving everyone's problems or constantly working to make the world better. You don't have to do everything.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[he threads his fingers, leaning on his elbows on the desk. rests his chin on his knuckles.]
And I am sure I'm gettin' less than zero satisfaction outta this. How are we moving forward from it? How'd you come back down?
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[There's a healthy pause before Darin admits.]
It...wasn't actually Guzma that made me lose it. Not exactly. Mizuki...she...
She was fighting Gumza with everything she had. She was losing her pokemon to his cancellation powers. It was destroying her. She's a little girl Archie. A little girl who was willing to sacrifice everything she loved just to bring Guzma back to reality and there are imPorts among us who can't even get over their own hang ups and grudges to make a stand when it comes to saving lives? And the people of this stupid rock...they...they'll just as soon demonize her because she was pulled here against her own volition before they consciously make a stand to fix what's really broken.
[He runs a hand through his hair.]
I don't know what it was but...all of my restraint dissolved when I heard that little girl call for Nebby. I don't even know who or...or what that is but...I was so mad. People throw the term 'monster' around so casually...
When I changed...I changed because I wanted to put a stop to it. I wanted to...to stop Guzma from doing something I knew he'd regret, I wanted to stop the destruction and I wanted to stop the screams...
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[he exhales for a moment, ruminating on what to say next.]
She's-- somewhat of a product of the system back home, too. I've noticed she tries to shoulder everything herself, which is what happens when the Champions or Interpol and the police don't make it. The kid that stopped me back home was exactly the same as her and ended up feeling much the same way. It's a shitty way to feel and a shitty thing to see happen and be enabled, but we gotta deal with what we have. Not what we wish we had.
[he looks away for a moment-- he was there, after all. he saw her screaming as well.]
Even that desire... isn't something to shoulder alone. You don't have to be the one to personally save everyone.
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Turns out? We're all pretty fucked up, aren't we...
[The hand on his shoulder is a welcome one and he reaches up with his own hand and reaches across his chest to put it atop Archie's.]
I know I'm not alone. I know I haven't been for a long time. I just...wanted to put my best foot forward here. Instead...I just gave the world another reason to hate us more. Put the spotlight on the team because its new leader can turn into an earth cracking monster. I'm not gonna run but I have to take responsibility. Not just out of respect for the team but...because the world deserves to know who is trying to protect them.
The worst part? I don't...I don't think that transformation was Diomuhr. I think that was all me. And not only that but...
[Darin brushes his long bangs away from one of his ears to show that, while not as elongated as Allura's are...his own ears have grown to a slight point.]
...I'm changing, Arch. I'm changing and I don't know into what and it's scaring the hell out of me...
[His voice catches a bit, betraying how uncertain he really is.]
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I still think it's worth tryin' to talk to Dio yourself. Ask him about all that Verunta stuff.
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He never responded. Which...is what led me to start believing that it was me the entire time...
...Arch, what if the prophecy wasn't a specific event and more like...
Like a gradual thing...like a storm building...?
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[he crosses his arms, still leaning against the desk, watching the bluetube video.]
I'm not calling it a storm. I won't give it the satisfaction of being named after something inevitable.
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Hell, I was there to save him not...
[He trails off and runs a hand down his weary face.]
M'Sorry about Lance. I know you guys were friends.
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[finally, he moves back to his seat, shrugging.]
I'm not his babysitter. If he's gonna go do something like that, then he's free to. I just feel bad for his Pokémon, really. [he raises an arm, pulling the sleeve back. showing a big ugly burn scar that's partly healed.] That Charizard of his was really damaged when he responded.
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[Darin sort of trails off as Archie's words connect with his brain and for a second it seems like maybe that's it. For a solid minute, Darin just sorta stares into the ether before raising his hand to Archie's; the one still on his shoulder, and feels around for a ring. You know, like a wedding band. But no, that would be stupid. If Archie were to get a ring for something like that, it would be in a far more inappropriate place. Especially if this were in Vegas. And alcohol was undoubtedly involved.]
[He opens his mouth to say something but what the hell could he even say? This is just...it's asinine but it's so perfectly them that he's got nothing to counter it with.]
[Finally he just drops his stupid head into his chin and gives Archie a deadpan look. He'll address Lance in a second.]
The only way I'll accept this is if Pinsir were the flower girl.
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No favorites, huh.
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[he waves a hand.]
If you want it to be Pinsir, odds are it could've been Pinsir. Hell, maybe I fought him for it! I've done that before.
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How can you say I have an unhealthy relationship with the guy when you're married to him!
Does your world have idioms?? Is 'Pot meet kettle?' among them?!
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I dunno. Lately I feel like things have been growing more and more distant between myself and the people I care about. You, Lucina...I feel like I'm standing on the outside of this bubble and I'm looking in and I can't get through this transparent barrier...
At first I thought it was because I was sent home and came back..well, different. More experienced. Now I don't know what it is. I just feel like the outlier...
[He sighs and pushes himself to his feet, making his way to a box with some of his personal effects in it.]
A-Anyway...don't worry about that. Like I said, I'm sorry about Lance. I know he and Guzma might have an even more violent history than Guzma and I have but...I guess I was just put off by the fact that he was letting that grudge cloud his judgment. He had no intention of helping Guzma or the people he was hurting. He acted like Guzma deserved to be taken over by Nihilego and that...that just wasn't right to me.
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Huh? Why with me? [he frowns the line of thought off.] It's fine-- he had his reasons. At least he went off to stop Ultra Beasts around Maurtia Falls, didn't he?
[leaning back again, archie exhales.]
If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not talk too deeply about the concept of possession.
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It's just...I dunno. Things have been strained since that one conversation we had regarding Guzma. I feel like maybe I was just...I dunno. Like I was losing something.
It's hard to explain. All I know is that I've done a stellar job in my first week as co-commander. [That last line couldn't be more sarcastic.]
I don't know if I'm even doing the right thing. Butting heads with Lance, losing myself and transforming and doing all that collateral damage...
[He reaches into the box and pulls out a framed photo of him and Allura he planned on keeping on his desk.]
...Have you been by to see Lucina and Guzma? Are they doing okay?
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[or... well, he wasn't, but he did it anyway.]
They're... them. Lucina shoulderin' all responsibility and pushin' herself too far as usual, Guzma being an insufferable cockhole as usual. [he shrugs.] 'Sides, you're hardly the only one present that royally fucked up in that seat. I basically argued with everyone and almost got into an actual slapfight with Akobi my first time.
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[He sighs and heads back to his desk. He slumps in his seat and picks up a coin that he'd been messing with on his desk. He rolls it across his knuckles idly, and as he does so, a crackle of blue energy changes the coin into a metal ball. Then back into a coin. Then into a small bullet. Then back into a ball again. Then finally a coin again. The precision was growing greater and greater as he moves his hand, but it's clear he's not even paying attention to it.]
Yeah...I know. But with how enthusiastically I was nominated, I can't help but feel I'm letting people down. I haven't even faced Allura yet, but only because I know she'll find someway to make me feel better about all of this and...
I dunno. Maybe it sounds weird, but I want to let myself be disappointed in myself for a bit. Back when it was just me...I'd take that and turn it into motivation.
[He snorts, biting back a laugh.]
You might be the only person I know who'd let me kick myself for a little bit, which is why I think you're the only one I could call now. No offense.
[He means it.]
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[he watches the show for a little while, ruminating.]
None taken. A little bit of kickin' goes a long way.
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[He flips the coin back onto the desk, changing it one last time into an arrowhead that thunks satisfyingly onto the wood.]
But...you're right. It's why I guess I'm always up everyone's collective asses.
The sad thing is, I know I can't save everyone, but I get frustrated when I don't at least do something. Then again...maybe that's why you guys put me in charge here in the first place.
[Darin happily scoops up another slice of pizza, then reaches into one of the drawers of his desk and procures a bottle of whiskey. He sends a pulse through the bottle, chilling it, then pops the cork and takes a sip. When he's done, he holds the bottle out to Archie in offering.]
[He's getting pretty good with that magic of his.]
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[he would know, considering he does the same shit.]
You gotta work out a balance between accepting that you can't do anything or just doing what you can, even if it's not enough. Sometimes you just have to accept that the kind of help someone needs... you can't give. But that doesn't mean what you do give them means any less.
[he takes the bottle, eyebrows raised slightly.]
There's always something to do. Don't forget that. There's always something, even if it's just as small as sending 'em a text to let 'em know you're thinkin' of 'em.
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...You know. It's pretty easy to forget the little acts of kindness when you're so dead set on broad strokes of heroism.
You're right. I should look to get back to my roots. Public works projects like Vigil Park in Nonah...
[As he talks, he can't help but find himself smiling.]
...I guess I grew too fast and forgot where I got started, in a sense.
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[he shrugs, taking a pull off the drink.]
Are you trying to be Darin the hero, or just Darin? Because you can be both. It's not about solving everyone's problems or constantly working to make the world better. You don't have to do everything.
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