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No-- look, the fact you even give a shit about this proves otherwise. You didn't come to me to gloat, you came here because you wanted to avoid hurting him further!

[archie really wants to know what tara did, tbh, but now isn't the time to ask.]

You've been given a second chance here, just like I have. Use it and make things right with him.

I don't--maybe I don't give a shit.

[ a lot of bad, illegal, and otherwise immoral things. she's Damaged. ]

There's no way I can. Make things right, I mean.

You obviously do, ya little shit.

[said fondly.]

Maybe not an' maybe you won't be forgiven for what you did, but as long as you're working to be a better person than you are... I don't see why someone rational wouldn't understand.

He's not rational. He still likes me. That's, like, the least rational thing ever.

[ she crosses her arms, wiping at her eyes again and sniffling. she's fine. ]

He's like, a real hero and stuff. I was only ever a fake, you know?

[...she has a point. oops.]

He obviously has a reason. Which is why you should talk to him and find out.

....I don't wanna.

I really. Don't wanna.

[ that'll make a difference, right? right? ]

I don't want him to hate me. He....

If you tried ta kill him and he doesn't, I think maybe he won't after this...

[he sighs.]

Ya gotta straighten it out with him, anyway, or he might. You can't gaslight him like this.

What's gaslighting?

[ she blinks, allowing her hair to fall in her face. after a minute, she shrugs a little, before glancing away. ]

You're. A lot nicer than the other criminal bosses I've met. Just sayin'.

It's... a real bad thing people do intentionally or accidentally. When you say something that has happened hasn't. It can really damage the person on the receiving end. I mean, I'm not sayin' you're a bad person for it, I just mean... it's a dangerous thing.

[archie snorts.]

Yeah? I'll let ya in on a secret: I wasn't actually that great at doin' crime anyway. I hated stealing from people and got caught half the time.

Oh.

[ o h. her heart sinks. it's kind of terrifying, hearing this thing described like that - this thing that she's doing. to beast boy. she honestly wants to throw up.

she doesn't want to be like slade. she doesn't. ]

What if someone tells you stuff that's lies? Like--but you already think it, kinda. 'Cause you're paranoid. I mean--hypothetically.

[ she bites her lip, staring steadfastly at the ground. ]

...Yeah, you're way nicer than my old boss.

Well... they shouldn't be lying to ya anyway.

[just gonna ignore that boss thing for now. mightyena whines, sensing her discomfort and licks at her face.]

But is that that thing you said? Gaslighting?

[ she wraps her arms around mighyena, nuzzling her face against it, and closing her eyes. ]

It's a kind of it, yeah.

...Then I really--should just stop talking to him, right?

[ she fidgets a little, staring back into mightyena's fur. ]

...I'm a bad person, I think.

I'd think you were a bad person if you were enjoying this, but you're clearly not. Even if you keep doing it, sometimes we get backed into a corner and lash out in ways that only hurt ourselves and everyone around us.

The way you can make this better is that now you know you're doing it, move on and tell him what you think he should know. Without lying or denying anything.

What do I even say to him?

Haha, sorry, I lied, I'm that terrible girl who betrayed you to your worst enemy? It's not you, it's me? The benefits were good? I--I know I fucked up, and now I have to live with it, and--fuck.

[ besides, she did enjoy it. or, at least, she thinks she did. power, and control, those are both things that are fun--and the titans had hurt her, first. ]

I was just...stupid. So, so stupid.

Telling him you know you did wrong and regret it is a good start.

[he taps his chin.]

Ya gotta see how he feels, too. Play it by ear.

I really--fucked up. I freaked out at him, after, and...

I dunno.

Don't talk yourself out of it. This is something you have to do. Sometimes we have to do shitty things we know that're only going to blow back on us but... they're unavoidable.

[he really doesn't want to give back the sub]

Maybe, I'll talk to Jaime, too, or something.

[ that's what the cool kids call procrastination. ]

Because you think he'll tell you what you want to hear?

...No, not really. He'll say the same kinda shit you're sayin'.

Then what's the point? Puttin' it off?

[ yup. that is exactly the point. ]

...I just--Archie, I--

Fuck, it's just. Even if he forgives me for this, he's still gonna wanna ask me stuff for--you know, back whenever, and I don't want to talk about--that, and what I did, and--

I can't.

Well, remember. You owe him the truth an' nothing else. If he tries to push you into a relationship you don't want or aren't comfortable with, that's on him.

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taraincognita - 2017-10-04 16:16 (UTC) - Expand

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h2no - 2017-10-04 16:23 (UTC) - Expand