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[ out of nowhere this fucking novel arrives in archie's inbox, probably at like 2AM when odin's bored out of his mind and unable to sleep ]

Once upon a time, there was a man named Archie. But he wasn't just any man! No. He was special. He was a mermaid. But a man. A merman. (Do you have mermen in your world? They're people with fish parts.)
Anyway, Archie was a merman. His tail was that of a shark and his teeth were as sharp as knives. He lived in the sea and he spent all his time swimming through the water with his mermaid girlfriends, or his mermaid boyfriends, if that was his preference. He also spent a lot of time with his platonic non-mermaid full-animal shark friends who were sort of like his pets but not really because they were more like best friends. Oh, and his mermaid boyfriends and girlfriends were also shark-y, like him. It was just a bunch of sharks in the Archie Sea.

Humans were mean and scary when it came to dangerous animals like sharks and shark-mermaids and shark-mermen. The stupid legged freaks thought sharp shark teeth were designed to rip out their fleshy landlubber guts, even though Archie and his apex predator friends were bound to the ocean and could only interact with the landlubbers when they decided to invade the shark-people's waters. For a long time, there was tentative peace between Archie's friends and the land dwellers, but it turns out that when people are prejudiced and defensive and threatened by an enemy they've concocted in their own heads out of fear and ignorance, they lose sight of things like peace and love and justice.

So, one day, the humans attacked. They took their harpoons and their nets and their spears to the sea, and one by one, Archie saw a lot of his friends get hurt... or worse, die. It was hard for him to see all the pain on the faces of his loved ones, as it would be for anyone. He saved as many people as he could, but the sea ran red and the tide pounded in his ears for far too long. When the attack was over, the ethereal quiet of the water that was once so peaceful, and the pitter patter of rain on the surface above him that once connected him so deeply to the world of the air-breathers... it wasn't the same anymore. He had seen too much death, and now, it all just hurt. It was all too confining. Home didn't feel like home anymore.

So he went on a journey. He had once heard tale of a witch that dwelled deep on the ocean floor, with hair of seaweed and skin of sand, and Archie thought that maybe if he could find her, she would be able to fix everything that went wrong. He swam and he swam and he swam until he was too tired to swim anymore, and as he closed his eyes and cried, he heard a beautiful, lilting song that filled his heart with warmth. The witch had a delicate grace, and she was there, waiting for him, playing her sea-violin which I guess is like a big conch shell with lots of strings on it. Maybe eels? I don't know. Her name was Odin and she was really cool and strong.

Archie asked Odin if he could maybe trade what little possessions he had with her to bring his friends back to life, but she didn't have that kind of power. What she could do, however, was send Archie back in time so that maybe he could stop the human's attack before it happened. The problem was... if she did that, Archie would be stuck in this new, second timeline, where another Archie already existed. He would be forced to live outside of his own life, looking in, knowing there was no place for him in this world he saved. But Archie didn't care, because Archie's a hero and he does what's right, and what was right for him was to create one future where his friends who died had another chance at living long, healthy lives, even if that all came at the cost of his own happiness. So he gave the witch everything he had, and she sent him back in time.

For weeks, and then months, and then years, Archie pleaded with the humans every time they came a little too close to the shark's territory. He promised them that his friends wouldn't ever hurt them, and that their sharp teeth were just tools for survival they needed to utilize in the rough ocean currents if they wanted to survive. Time and time again, the humans came to attack, and time and time again, Archie bought himself a little more time, telling them tales about why sharks were peaceful and loving creatures and why they wouldn't ever attack a human unprovoked. And then... one day, his words weren't enough. One day, he couldn't hold them back. The humans attacked, and Archie was overwhelmed with helplessness as he saw that old, dark fear he dreaded fill his friend's faces once more.

But strength surged within him. Odin the Great Witch didn't just grant Archie the ability to go back through time - she granted him courage, and the feeling flowed through his cool mermaid veins with impossible speeds. Archie stood alone in battle, facing off against each human, tearing them down, carrying the weight of their lives on his soul as he severed their spirits from their mortal shells. All of his friends survived the battle - but they were afraid of this Archie who came back to save them, and the sharp teeth and strong tail he used so ferociously against the humans who had come to hurt them all. So many humans had died at his hands.

But the shark people weren't judgmental, or bigoted, or afraid of courage or afraid of asking questions like the humans were. Though they were scared, at first, with time they each understood why Archie did what he did, and they learned what Archie had been through back in his own home timeline. They all wrapped him up in a big big shark hug. The Archie of this timeline welcomed our hero Archie into the fold as his own man, and told him he would always be welcome here, and that as hard as things might be sometimes, and as much as our Archie might feel like he might not belong in this sea sometimes, the love these sharks felt for him was overwhelming and unwavering. Archie found love, and a home, and though it was hard at first... he was happy.

And the next generation of humans were super cool and not bigoted and he made friends with them too and Odin the sea witch got to come play with all of them all the time whenever she wanted.

Edited 2017-09-21 15:01 (UTC)

[OKAY HONESTLY some of this hits too close to home and archie straight up can’t bring himself to read some parts of it BUT the best way to deal with this is to…]

But that wasn’t the end of their tale! One day when Odin the super cool and nice witch came to play, Archie had to ask her for help!!! It wasn’t as dire as the first time he had come to her pleading, but it was a problem nonetheless… a friend’s birthday was coming up and he didn’t have enough time to get them a present, so busy he had been with saving everyone and having radical cool adventures with his friends. Odin, being the extremely cool witch she is said of course she can help. She’d love to. They started out by going to SeaMart, a large cave that had been transformed and cultivated to grow and house anything any of the sea dwellers could ever need. There were all types of sea weed, special unique fishes and even some clothing that the land dwellers had donated. Odin got herself a really cool pair of sunglasses and a snapback, and Archie picked himself up some new bandanas. Once they had done their own shopping, they realised they totally forgot what they had come there for and went back in, laughing at their silly mistake. Unfortunately, despite having everything, SeaMart didn’t quite have what Archie wanted for his friend. It had to be something really special, not from a random store! Next was Kelpo. It’s a special store where mermaid and other sea dwellers alike can join and sell off their own handmade items. Odin liked it, especially because Odin is really nice and makes sure that all the self-starters can make a lot of profit so they feel really good about themselves when they make things to sell to people. Archie likes Kelpo because it’s where you can get truly special and unique items. They look around for a little while again, ending up buying some stuff for themselves. Odin gets a special magic potion that can turn her into a centaur (half person half horse) and run really really fast while Archie gets a cool hand knitted kelp scarf. They also meet the other Archie there and say hi. Unfortunately, this still wasn’t what Archie was looking for for his good friend. It was getting late so they swim back to where Archie lives, and he makes some sea-tea (special tea that doesn’t float away). Odin feels back because she couldn’t help him find what he wanted, but Archie suddenly laughs and says he had what he wanted all along!! He wanted to have a nice time with her and buy a bunch of cool stuff she liked because…. It was Odin’s birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Archie also goes into his back room and comes back with a special shark species called Sharpedo carved out of stone. He gives it to his best witch friend and tells her that she is really cool and means a lot to him and he’s glad they know each other. Then they played video games for the rest of the night.

[ the truth is, what had started out as a pretty innocent story had very quickly divulged into an overly personal therapeutic exercise in which odin just sort of shoved a lot of his awful life experiences into his friendfiction and slapped archie's name on it. pretty cool. as archie types up his story, anxiety and self-doubt builds in odin's head, and he wonders if archie maybe saw through that and is calling him out, or else maybe he's annoyed and wants odin not to message him with this kind of thing again - he writes out a few sorry, that was a lot of text and it all came out of nowhere, i shouldn't have bugged you and hey, you can ignore that last message if you didn't read it, i'm gonna head to bed messages that he can't bring himself to send, and he's curled up in bed fretting about all sorts of things when his communicator finally buzzes again.

and he loses his mind. th-this is the best thing he's ever read!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN HE TOP THIS?????? ]

ODIN THE SEA WITCH SOUNDS SO COOL AND NICE IN YOUR STORY AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REALIZE THIS BUT I NAMED HER AFTER ME SO IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE CALLING ME COOL AND NICE WHILE YOU CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME AND I REALLY LIKE THAT.

What kind of video games did they play? I've never played a video game! I only learned about what they were pretty recently. Can we play video games in real life? Also, my birthday is the fifteenth of July, so please remember that so we can hang out and be best friends just like we were in the story. AND WHAT KIND OF HALF-HORSE DID I TURN INTO WHEN I WENT ALL CENTAUR-WITCH OR WHATEVER? I can't decide what I want to be. Palamino? Or maybe something made of bones. Spooky ghost horse. Ghost skeleton horse. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Also also also also,

I really like you and I really like spending time with you and thanks for letting me ride Sharpedo and I hope my story was okay. I really liked yours and we should write more stuff together. Do you have any requests for the kind of story you want to be in?! Any adventures you want to go on? You don't have to be a mermaid! I don't have to be a witch, either. I was just trying something, 'cause I'm usually the dark tragic hero, but I made that you this time. We can be anything! THAT IS THE KIND OF BOUNDLESS FANTASY MAGIC-POWER WE CAN IMMERSE OURSELVES IN WHEN WE HARNESS THE EVER EXPANDING POTENTIALS OF OUR IMAGINATIONS.

i got that!!!!!

[mercifully, archie seems to have forgotten about his all-caps text thing. or maybe he has a modicum of self-awareness and figures when it's long messages it's not a good idea.]

they played really fun video games and at least one video game of each genre. shooters, football games, you name it they played it. i'll put that in my diary. also he turned into a RAPIDASH which is a pokémon that is a normal horse with a mane of fire but it didn't go out underwater because she's magic and it doesn't matter where she is her flames will never go out. i don't mind whatever you wanna write, just maybe make them a bit happier??

I can do happier stuff!! I just kinda default to tragedy and I probably shouldn't do that because it's uncomfortable for some people but I think it's kind of cooler and I like making people feel cool and it's also I guess just what I know best. But. Happier's okay. Sorry. I should have just been happier from the start, I think? I'm sorry. Haha.

[ /sweats. odin reads back what he wrote and feels kind of irritated at how awkward and weird he sounds. he'll just press on. ]

Ugh. Everything I hear about pokémon is so so sososososo cool. Do you know Pikachu? Pikachu is basically my best friend. Red thinks that he's his, but nope! I've stolen his heart. I'm the best friend man, now.

But okay, there's no time for dumb reality. I'm going to draw what I would look like as a sea witch centaur and if you're okay with it I'm going to draw what you look like as a shark merman. How many abs do you think mermen have? Sixpacks are kind of boring. Maybe you need, like, a 20 pack. 'Cause you're part shark, it'll give you a pretty long torso, but I'll probably have to draw some of those abs down to your tail to make them all fit. I'll figure it out.

Um, but, okay. Happy story. So.

What would you prefer to be? A prince or princess, a radical ninja or a MYSTERIOUS VISITOR from a FOREIGN LAND who transfers into a NEW SCHOOL and has to deal with SOCIAL POLITICS AND ROMANTIC INTRIGUE? Spoilers: you can totally choose all three options at once.

OKAY BEFORE WE SURGE HEROICALLY ONWARDS... ARE YOU OKAY? LIKE, PERSONALLY?

Haha, what? Yeah, of course! I'm always okay. I'm an okay and super happy dude. That's kind of my thing? I don't mean to brag, but everyone likes me for it. Literally everyone.

I mean, okay, sure, I'm haunted by the souls of the millions of enemies I've cut down with my aching sword hand. And I constantly hear the screams of the foes whose souls I've scattered to the wind with my eldritch spells. But that's just stuff I made up just now to sound cool.

THAT ALL SOUNDS EXTREMELY FAKE. I'M GONNA COME OVER.

What? What! Wait! It's super late! It's really dark outside and you could get jumped by a villain and mugged or something!
Are you going to be okay? Should I come over there instead?
I don't want you to get hurt, this is insane. And I'm too embarrassed to tell stories in front of people! I mean, I'm not, but I might be! Especially when it comes to big heroic epics like the ones we've been telling!

I'M BRINGING MY DOG.

YOU HAVE A

Okay.
Keep them safe too, okay? NO MUGGINGS.

MY DOG COULD FUCK UP MOST PEOPLE HERE, WE'LL BE FINE.

[he's there not soon after, opting to ping odin's comm device instead of knocking the door and waking up any potential roomies.]

[ whoops, more consideration than what odin's got! normally he's sensitive enough to keep his steps quiet, but there's gonna be a DOG in his HOUSE and he all but runs to the front door to let Archie in. dickhead. ]

Dog? I mean-- Archie? [ no, he meant dog. ]

[he laughs; this is pretty much exactly what he expected from odin.]

His name is Mightyena.

[and the dog in question peeks around archie's legs - the big wolfhound looking motherfucker. it boofs gently, tail a-waggin'.]

Wh-- like mighty and hyena? Are you fucking kidding me?!

[ whoops, he swore! Odin coughs and goes a little red. didn't happen. didn't swear. nope. he does, however, drop to his knees and just wrap mightyena in the biggest possible hug one man can give a wolfhound. ugh. he loves him. ]

I-I mean. That's really cool! I love that. I love him. He's mine now. I own him.

[archie gasps, like he's shocked odin just swore. honestly, he is a little.

mightyena is very receptive to the hug, as its tail goes absolutely ballistic and it licks odin all over his face.]

No, sorry. Still mine. You can take him for walks sometimes if you want though.

I want that. I wanna take him for walks. He's my best friend now, after all. It's the least I can do.

[ odin laughs a little too loud when Mightyena licks him, and Odin feels like he's getting pretty close to the whole I'm-so-happy-I'm-literally-going-to-cry thing that he does sometimes, so he decides that maybe he needs to calm down before he wakes up the roommates. he nestles into mightyena's neck and cuddles the fuck outta that boy one last time and then nods back to his room, leading the way.

when they get there the wallpaper still has not been fixed ]

[archie notes that, but decides not to mention it. mightyena immediately jumps up onto odins bed, tail still a-wagwagwaggin and makes himself a little nest of bed covers to lay down in. archie stays standing.]

So... you gonna tell me what's up?

N-No? I mean. I don't know? I don't know.

[ odin occupies himself with giving mightyena a lot more pats, as he is still a very good boy and deserves some very good hugs. he privately decides that if mightyena wants to stay in his bed forever, that's okay. he's totally willing to sleep on the floor. ]

Why d'you think something's up? Did I say something weird? Was it the story? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, if I did. I'm sorry, dude.

N--no, you didn't do anything wrong.

[he rubs the back of his head, moving to sit on the edge of odin's bed to try and figure out how to do this without fucking up.

for a moment, he looks away and to the ruined wallpaper, silently grateful that odin didn't actually get a cock put up there.]

I just kinda... got the impression you used your own real life experiences-- which, don't get me wrong, all the great writers do that, but they were kind of... worrying, I guess?

[and also kind of explains how he acts and why -- similar to what archie himself did. he put on the loud pirate persona when he wasn't comfortable being his actual self.]

[ there's still time for cockpaper

odin's face reddens the fuck up, alight with all the blood that just floods through him at once. he scrubs his fists through his hair and then over his cheeks to drain the colour from them, but it just leaves him looking disheveled and messy as well as embarrassed. it's really not becoming for a sorcerer of evil to be so easy to read, but that's just one of the curses he's been hexed with. ]

Haha, what? I don't. Hhhhhhh.

[ he sweats. it's gross. he wipes his hands over his face again, hair still sticking up in every direction. honestly, people don't normally call him out on things like this - there are people back home who question his identity, because he's a man without a past in the land he was ported from, but questions like those are easy enough to dodge. comments based on his writing are a little more real. ]

I mean. I guess? I guess it was real stuff. Some of it. I probably shouldn't have written my own shit into a story I was writing for you. That's kind of uncool? Because I made you the leading figure in a story loosely based on my own problems, which is not only a bit of an overstep, it's, like. Dehumanizing? It's a bit dehumanizing for me to turn you into a character and then use you as a stand-in for some weird analogy of whatever my problems are. Right? I'm pretty sure I'm right about that. So I'm sorry again. For that. But thanks for checking on me? If that's what you're doing. I didn't mean to worry you. If I write stuff for you again, it'll only be happy, like I said. Sometimes it's hard to control the creative darkness that pulses and ebbs through my super creative mind, and part of that comes from the fact that inspiration strikes me like lightning carving through the sky and setting a forest (ie, my creative soul) ablaze. So. Man.

I'm not-- Odin, I'm not bothered about that.

[he holds his hands up, trying to calm odin down. fuck he fucked this up already UAUGHGHG]

I'm just-- do you need to talk about that shit or something? 'Cause it was pretty intense and even the... mightiest heroes sometimes need to tell someone when they're gettin' a bit overwhelmed with all their stuff goin' on, ya know? An'-- it doesn't make them an less mighty or heroic if they need to, like, tell someone they're maybe not feelin' so amazing and up to fighting the world's evil. Y'know?

[ fuck, he's fucking up! he doesn't know how he's fucking up, but he feels like he's fucking up!! ]

No? Yes? I don't know what the right answer is. Not that-- wait. Assuming there's a right answer that you're looking for is the wrong thing to do, actually? So I shouldn't... do that. But I don't know what I should say that would be the right... thing... to say. So.

[ Odin runs his hands through his hair again, shuts his eyes and thinks for a minute. He's gotta calm down, because being flustered is just making this conversation hard for Archie, and he can't let the fact that he sucks at dealing with his own problems make Archie regret his attempt to reach out. odin thinks that archie's too good to feel bad for doing good. so. he focuses on his breathing, letting a stretch of awkward silence form between them for a minute rather than stumble over his shitty attempts at speaking. ]

Uh. So. Uhhhh. If you're really offering me your shoulder, yeah, I could take it? It'd be nice to have someone I could open up to about some things, and you've only been kind to me, so if it's not an imposition... yeah. But only if that goes both ways? I mean, I know I act unreliable, but I'm not, really. I'd like to be there for you, if you want to be there for me. Not that I know what you've been through, if anything, but-- I'm not so naive to think that you could be pulled from another world and not feel something about home that maybe you haven't been able to get off your chest to anyone. Or something. Maybe you don't feel that way. That's probably a pretty big assumption. Or maybe you did but you already have people there for you? A guy like you probably has a lot of friends you can talk to. But. Uh.

[ odin waves his arms uselessly through the air to indicate he hopes archie gets what he means. he just wants to be there for archie like archie might want to be there for him. ]

[okay words aren't working for the moment they're both fucking up it's a disaster. archie gets up without FURTHER ADO and pulls odin's dumb ass into a big ol' hug.]

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