h2no | IC contact

No, but like. I've--I think I'm. Not being a good person, right now. I dunno. I....

[ she tries not to let her voice break. ]

I did some really bad stuff, before, and now I'm kinda--still doin' it. And I...

[ and she doesn't know what to do. ]

Hey-- hey, it's okay. You're not exactly in the easiest position right now, alright?

[he considers for a moment, then decides he'd rather not have this conversation over the phone.]

Do you want to come over? Everyone else is out right now.

I--yeah. Yeah, I think so.

[ in a few minutes, archie is going to hear a very upset tara hop his fence, and use the key to let herself in the back door. tara, what was the point of that? ]

Yo.

[ her eyes are just a little bit red, and her shoulders are hunched. someone has been having A Time. ]

[he says nothing, just pads over, crouches down to her level and holds his arms out.

u kno u want a good bear hug. u know.]

[ after a minute, she leans into archie, succumbing to the Need to be hugged. ]

...It's stupid.

[he hugs her, but its loose. plenty of opportunity for her to pull away if she wants. also doesn't last long.]

It's not if it's botherin' yo so much. What's goin' on?

Lots of stuff.

[ it's. hard to talk about. hard to formulate the right words. ]

I--um. God. Someone from before is here, and it's--bringing back a lot of things I did, to--to him, and I--I've been lying, again, and I don't know how to....

[he feels cheap, relying on mightyena, but he understands sometimes an animal is good to help people calm down. he whistles and the dog pads into the room not long after, ears pricked as it sniffs at tara.]

Hey, hey. It's okay, we can work through this. What've you been lying about?

Who I am. What I did. I'm trying so hard to be normal, because I don't want to--be like that. Like I was, and I...

[ she trails off to refocus on mightyena, immediately moving to wrap her arms around it. ]

...I'm just a bad person.

Right.

[he sighs, knowing how hard this is.]

...You're gonna have to be honest with him. He'll find out one way or another.

I don't--I can't tell him. I'm...

[ she sobs into mightyenas fur, taking a minute to calm herself down. ]

Before--before here, I really--I did a really...b-bad thing, and I don't wanna--be that person. So I just--gotta, not be.

[oh noooo don't cry, archie's chest clenches with sympathy as he reaches out to put a careful hand on her shoulder hrhrhrhng]

You can do both! You're trying to be a better person because of what you did, right?

[ she flinches a little at the hand; it's minute, barely even noticeable. after a minute, she inhales sharply, shaking her head. ]

N-Not really, I mean--I'm just...existing. You know? And I--fuck. I really--hurt him.

[ she can't say 'betrayed.' it's too hard. ]

And he liked me.

[ and she kissed him, and this is a disaster. ]

[archie takes his hand back after a moment even though he doesn't feel or see the flinch. he knows how she feels about contact.]

I hurt one of my friends real bad too, with all the world ending bullshit. I really, really hurt him and knew I was doing it, but didn't stop. [he sighs.] An'... he still wanted to be with me.

[romantic styles or not? HAHA YEAH.]

Maybe he still feels somethin' for ya, an' I'm not saying that means you're obligated to feel something back or even give him the time of day but it's gonna be a lot less trouble down the line if you get a dialogue goin'.

[ she glances up at him, sniffling just a little bit, before wiping her eyes with her sleeve. it's not normal, for her to be this visibly upset. or, at least, it's been a while.

she stares at him, unable to talk for what seems like an eternity. when she finally speaks, her voice is almost toneless. a departure from the tear tracks on her cheeks.]

I--tried to kill him. Him, and all of his friends. After they gave me a home, for like a year. I was a spy.

And he still likes me.

[if she's expecting a reaction of disgust, she's gonna be disappointed.]

Yeah, and I almost ended the world. We fuck up and we try to be better people because of it. You've put what you did behind you.

Would you try and kill him now?

[ she isn't expecting anything less than throwing her out, to be honest. she gapes at archie, uncomprehending, before mumbling. ]

I dunno. I don't trust myself, I think. I dunno what might--happen.

[ she balls her hands into fists, biting her lip, before adding. ]

I--kissed him. At a party. We were really drunk, and he thinks I'm a different me. A better me. I shouldn't have.

[HASHTAG YIKES]

I don't think you'll try and hurt him, but... you're gonna-- emotionally, I mean-- if you don't explain everythin' to him. I get the feelin' he won't stop until he knows for sure.

[and it seems to some degree he actually deserves to know wtf is going on.]

Look-- if it helps you can take Mightyena or Crobat with you. Shit, I'll come with ya if you want.

[ the entire situation is very #yikes. ]

No, no! I can't tell him. That'll only hurt him more, you know, and all of this was--my fault. I mean, it's not like he asked to be thrown here with me. I'm kind of the worst.

[ so maybe you should tell him, tara. maybe, that is a good idea.]

I should just--leave town. If the people I'm staying with find out about this, they'll probably hate me, too...

No, listen, you can't just run away from your problems like that.

[he crouches down to better get at tara's level.]

You have to deal with this. I know it's shitty and it'll be awful and will hurt you both, but you have to level the field with him.

Yes, I can.

[ she talks without hesitation, turning her head to mightyena again. haha, no eye contact for you, archie. time to Ignore Her Problems like an adult. ]

I'm just gonna stop talking to him.

Edited 2017-09-28 16:03 (UTC)

[mightyena glows red suddenly, disappearing into a beam of light that snakes into the red and white ball that archie is holding out.]

No, you're not.

Edited 2017-09-28 16:08 (UTC)

[ hOW MEAN.

she sniffles, glancing back at him, and crossing her arms. ]

It's better for him that way.

And why are you allowed to decide that? I think he'd disagree. Knowing is better than spending your life wondering.

You're being cruel to him. You can stop it.

You don't understand, okay!? You don't know what I've done, and what I have to live with, and--and I don't--

I don't wanna.

[ tara. ]

I'm just a bad person, okay?!

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